1
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,756
[marker scratching]
[street crowd walla]

2
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:44,211
[phone ringing]

3
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:52,520
Butler Art Restoration. This is
Lori, how may I help you?

4
00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:59,192
Sallie from... Yeah.
Hi. Hi.

5
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,628
Yeah. Long, long time.

6
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,497
Yes. What's up?

7
00:01:04,966 --> 00:01:07,200
Okay. What kind of work?

8
00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:14,174
Yes, I can't do right now...

9
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,243
but I could do this afternoon.

10
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,714
Yeah, there's a pub
near where I live.

11
00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:21,049
Shall I send you the address?

12
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,116
Okay. All right.

13
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,329
-I'm so sorry.
-That's all right.

14
00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:38,165
-How may I help you?
-Yes.

15
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,602
Can I have Red Lantern's
noodles, please?

16
00:01:40,702 --> 00:01:42,102
Yep. Red Lantern noodles.

17
00:01:42,604 --> 00:01:45,506
[Sallie] Look, it's eight
unfinished canvases.

18
00:01:45,607 --> 00:01:47,307
-[Barnaby] Would've been nine.
-Fuck off, Barnaby.

19
00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:48,776
Should have been nine.
[Sallie sighs]

20
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,044
Ask her why there aren't nine.

21
00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:51,713
Seriously, Barney, fuck you.

22
00:01:51,813 --> 00:01:53,548
She tried to do one herself.

23
00:01:53,648 --> 00:01:55,617
-Whatever.
-She nicked one. Hang on.

24
00:01:55,717 --> 00:01:57,417
It's actually why we're
not allowed around there.

25
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,653
-I took a photo.
-Barnaby.

26
00:01:58,753 --> 00:02:01,689
Whatever, it's on here.
3 million pound dump she took.

27
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,423
They weren't worth fuck all.

28
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:04,592
Yet.

29
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,661
Look, there were a series
of barely finished canvases...

30
00:02:06,761 --> 00:02:10,163
with Polaroids stuck on.
They were nothing.

31
00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:12,533
Of which "nothings,"
we have eight...

32
00:02:12,634 --> 00:02:16,269
from Dad's only remaining good
period, which he abandoned.

33
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,305
And these are the third
series of Christophers?

34
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,642
The point is, he's not
going to be here much longer...

35
00:02:20,742 --> 00:02:22,010
and if when he passes...

36
00:02:22,110 --> 00:02:23,511
they go through his third
floor storage...

37
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:25,345
which he doesn't open
and never will...

38
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,448
and they happen to find
that he's finished...

39
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,485
a previously undiscovered
series...

40
00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:34,756
All the original brushes.
All the original paints.

41
00:02:34,856 --> 00:02:37,959
On original canvases, that
literally, if someone checked...

42
00:02:38,059 --> 00:02:40,762
contain molecular
traces of his DNA.

43
00:02:40,862 --> 00:02:41,596
They can actually do that.

44
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:43,397
I'm aware.

45
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,166
[Sallie] So?

46
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,937
You said this was a
restoration job.

47
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,573
-[Sallie] It is.
-It's a forgery job.

48
00:02:52,674 --> 00:02:54,776
-What? No. No, no. God no, no.
-No!

49
00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:58,513
All we we're trying to get you
to do is merely complete them.

50
00:02:58,613 --> 00:02:59,547
By forging them.

51
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:02,215
By forging through them
until they're completed.

52
00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:06,186
Look, really, Lori though,
does it even matter?

53
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,658
What are you talking about?
Of course it matters.

54
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:13,094
[Sallie] Yeah, does it though?
Actually?

55
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,597
I mean, Dad has his assistants
complete his paintings
all the time.

56
00:03:16,698 --> 00:03:18,733
Yes, but these he's
hardly even started.

57
00:03:18,833 --> 00:03:20,001
[Barnaby] How do you know he
didn't already have them...

58
00:03:20,101 --> 00:03:21,869
all mapped out in
his head, Lori?

59
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,172
Two months ago, a piece
from Dad's first set...

60
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,506
of Christophers sold
at a Russian auction...

61
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:29,877
for 3 million plus. A piece from
the second set, 3.5 in China.

62
00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:33,280
His style, as I'm sure
you found out...

63
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:37,451
is unique and quite hard
to replicate.

64
00:03:37,852 --> 00:03:40,722
-You can though.
-I don't know about that.

65
00:03:41,122 --> 00:03:45,193
Central Saint Martins. Week one.
Our very first assignment.

66
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:48,395
"Come up with a series of works
in the style of the artist...

67
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:50,363
who inspired you the most."

68
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,734
I saw it, Lori,
with my own eyes.

69
00:03:52,834 --> 00:03:55,970
Ah, yes. That was a
very long time ago though.

70
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,305
And since then,
well, you know...

71
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,743
you've seen what I've
said about him.

72
00:04:02,143 --> 00:04:04,078
Didn't you guys meet once?

73
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:07,314
Am I remembering that rightly
back when we were at college?

74
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,250
We know why you hate
him is the point.

75
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,554
Think of this as a way
to get revenge.

76
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:14,655
Just do the numbers, Lori.

77
00:04:14,756 --> 00:04:17,357
Everybody knows what one
original Julian Sklar...

78
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:18,860
from that period is worth.

79
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,735
[mysterious music plays]

80
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:54,562
[street noises]
[music continues]

81
00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:29,697
[doorbell rings]

82
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,667
[Julian over intercom]
Other door.
[door buzzes]

83
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,771
[birds chirping]

84
00:05:46,881 --> 00:05:48,616
[door creaking]

85
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:49,517
Hello?

86
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,090
[Julian speaking indistinctly
in another room]

87
00:05:58,292 --> 00:05:59,894
[door shuts]

88
00:05:59,994 --> 00:06:01,863
[Julian] Fragile and timeless.
[continues indistinctly]

89
00:06:04,065 --> 00:06:06,667
Let's go with soft lights.

90
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,538
[Julian continues to
speak indistinctly]

91
00:06:13,608 --> 00:06:17,111
A bamboo shoot,
which has pierced...

92
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:20,514
Adrian's navel and has...

93
00:06:20,615 --> 00:06:25,119
Oh God, I don't know, sprung
a rose, at which you then...

94
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:29,456
stare, transfixed,
and so I say...

95
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,293
happy anniversary.

96
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:36,429
35 years is too long
to sustain a relationship...

97
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,733
as we're all designed
to be dead by then...

98
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:42,503
evolutionarily speaking,
so kudos...

99
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,673
to modern science for
making generations...

100
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:51,012
feel like failures at love,
except, apparently, you...

101
00:06:51,112 --> 00:06:53,781
Adrian and Linda...

102
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,984
and for that I congratulate
you both.

103
00:06:57,084 --> 00:07:01,454
Julian Sklar, signing off.

104
00:07:05,293 --> 00:07:07,895
[clears throat] Hello?

105
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,998
I'm here for the four o'clock?

106
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,601
[Julian] It's up one more.

107
00:07:14,302 --> 00:07:17,939
Antanas. Is that a name?

108
00:07:18,039 --> 00:07:22,243
And does it even matter
as it's unpronounceable...

109
00:07:22,343 --> 00:07:23,511
and does violence to the ear.

110
00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:26,280
So I shall call you Tony.

111
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,617
And for your birthday, Tony...

112
00:07:29,984 --> 00:07:31,852
imagine me drawing
you a tiger...

113
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,557
upon which you are
gallantly perched...

114
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:40,027
in your sleeveless
Tottenham Hotspur shirt.

115
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,965
Which at 48 you are far
too old to be wearing.

116
00:07:44,065 --> 00:07:45,700
And I am Julian Sklar.

117
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:50,071
And here I am signing off.
[computer beeps]

118
00:07:50,171 --> 00:07:53,140
Tea, coffee, water?

119
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,913
Oh, thank you.

120
00:07:59,013 --> 00:08:00,948
Water would be great
actually, yes.

121
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:04,885
Well, be a dear, and grab me one
as well. Just by the front door.

122
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,457
Jeremy.
[computer beeps]

123
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:12,426
Jeremy, you again?

124
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:16,130
[glasses clink]
[Julian talks indistinctly]

125
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:32,146
Alisa, Julian Sklar here.

126
00:08:32,747 --> 00:08:36,450
Your mother would like me to
tell you not to quit art school.

127
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:40,054
Seriously though, do.
[chuckles]

128
00:08:40,154 --> 00:08:42,656
Those clowns at Camberwell
will poison you...

129
00:08:42,757 --> 00:08:45,459
with their Sainsbury's
aisles and ideas...

130
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,329
processed, packed in plastic.

131
00:08:48,429 --> 00:08:51,766
The stalest up front so
that you buy into those first.

132
00:08:51,866 --> 00:08:55,703
Grow your own, I say.
Go organic!

133
00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:58,806
Although I hear that's
all rubbish too.

134
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,742
Do you know how much
plastic we eat in a week?

135
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,345
A credit card's worth.

136
00:09:04,445 --> 00:09:07,448
It's in the water now.
It's hopeless.

137
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:11,819
So happy birthday, stay
in school, blah, blah.

138
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:15,524
I'm Julian Sklar and here I am
as I always am...

139
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,324
signing off.

140
00:09:19,427 --> 00:09:20,327
[computer beeps]

141
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:24,565
149 pounds.

142
00:09:28,102 --> 00:09:29,770
249 if I sign.

143
00:09:32,473 --> 00:09:34,509
-Oh water?
-Yeah.

144
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:37,778
Thank you. Never get old.

145
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,081
Oh, I'm sorry.

146
00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:44,285
Oh, Lori Butler.

147
00:09:44,385 --> 00:09:46,754
Never get old, Lori Butler.

148
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,256
Yes, would you sit?

149
00:09:53,928 --> 00:09:57,364
It's been a while since I
interviewed an assistant.

150
00:09:57,465 --> 00:09:59,834
So, tell me about yourself.

151
00:09:59,934 --> 00:10:02,703
However, if you are a painter...

152
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,507
I don't want to know about it.

153
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,141
And do dispense with the...

154
00:10:07,241 --> 00:10:11,412
"big fan, you were with me
through" whatever drudgery...

155
00:10:11,513 --> 00:10:13,447
your life's journey
has taken you.

156
00:10:13,548 --> 00:10:17,885
Heartbreak, blah,
blah, grieving. Because
we both know...

157
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:21,956
that's a lie as I've done
nothing but shit in 30 years.

158
00:10:22,323 --> 00:10:23,858
Nothing at all in 20.

159
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,895
"You made me want to be an
artist." No, my dear.

160
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,097
Your fucked-up childhood made
you want to be an artist.

161
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:34,101
I'm just what you tripped over
as you scurried to freedom.

162
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,341
Lori is it?

163
00:10:42,143 --> 00:10:45,880
If you claim to be a fan of
that hideous reality show...

164
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:49,817
Art Fight, you may
show yourself out now.

165
00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:55,189
Even the creators of that
pandering pig slop weren't fans.

166
00:10:55,590 --> 00:11:00,161
And I realize this makes it
challenging to find
a compliment...

167
00:11:00,261 --> 00:11:02,129
that doesn't read
like obsequiousness.

168
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,832
And for that you have
my sympathies.

169
00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:07,434
Because don't get me
wrong, I like my flattery.

170
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:09,436
I just need to believe it.

171
00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:14,175
So for now, I'll take, "I am a
woman, and I don't hate
you, Julian."

172
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:17,178
They hate me, the women,
even more than the men.

173
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:20,247
I was bisexual, Lori...

174
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,884
when it actually cost
something to say so.

175
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:26,954
Are you any good
with humidifiers?

176
00:11:28,657 --> 00:11:30,291
I'm sorry.

177
00:11:30,391 --> 00:11:34,228
Well, I'm told that I would
benefit from the use of
a humidifier...

178
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,797
and the infographics...

179
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:40,267
they burn a shadow
on the retina...

180
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:45,172
arrows into screw holes,
into arrows...

181
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:48,909
into whatever shapes those are.

182
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:52,046
Would you like some help in
assembling your humidifier?

183
00:11:52,446 --> 00:11:55,249
Well, though I
hesitate to take you up on your
very kind offer...

184
00:11:57,351 --> 00:11:59,386
begrudgingly, thank you.

185
00:12:02,456 --> 00:12:06,528
So, we've established
you are not an artist...

186
00:12:06,628 --> 00:12:11,633
and you're not a fan and you
may or may not be bisexual.

187
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,901
Oh, which reminds me...

188
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:17,738
there are recent editions
on the Wikipedia...

189
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:21,008
quotes taken out of context
and one in context...

190
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:25,179
but spoken while
inebriated and thus I can't be
held accountable.

191
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,517
Ah, but what I said was true...

192
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:34,288
over 75% of enrollment in
the art schools is women.

193
00:12:34,388 --> 00:12:36,323
And my question was
simply a question...

194
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:41,195
why then are women not in
75% percent of museums, Lori?

195
00:12:42,664 --> 00:12:44,932
You did say it was Lori?

196
00:12:46,735 --> 00:12:49,103
On the subject of Lori...

197
00:12:49,671 --> 00:12:52,840
what did they tell you
about this job?

198
00:12:53,575 --> 00:12:56,777
-They?
-Yes, my offspring.

199
00:12:56,877 --> 00:13:00,447
The dud Barnaby and
the harridan Sallie.

200
00:13:00,548 --> 00:13:04,653
Yeah, they said you were
hiring an assistant...

201
00:13:04,753 --> 00:13:08,690
to help catalog some of your
things so they can be valued...

202
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,191
by the HMRC or something
like that.

203
00:13:12,694 --> 00:13:14,895
And they recommended
you highly...

204
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:18,465
which is frankly why I'm
a tad suspicious.

205
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:21,636
I must be reminded not
to carry things.

206
00:13:21,736 --> 00:13:22,671
[Lori] Oh!
[doorbell buzzes]

207
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,573
That's according to my osteo...

208
00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:27,742
a smallish man named Cyril.

209
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,577
Interesting tidbit
about Cyril...

210
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,312
he smells of radishes.

211
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:33,847
Why?

212
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:39,119
This isn't about the
unfinished Christophers, is it?

213
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:43,692
If so, you must tell me
because I won't paint them.
[door slams]

214
00:13:43,792 --> 00:13:45,794
I can't paint them.
And please don't ask.

215
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:48,195
Please don't even speak of them.

216
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,064
Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't what
you're talking about.

217
00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:51,131
Well, my children are
obsessed with them...

218
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,067
and I wouldn't have put it
past them if this...

219
00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:55,737
had been somehow about that.

220
00:13:56,270 --> 00:14:00,040
Oh, they're not even clever.
Those two, they're wrecks.

221
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:03,077
She, a train wreck,
utterly off the rails...

222
00:14:03,511 --> 00:14:07,716
and he a shipwreck
sunken and waterlogged.

223
00:14:07,816 --> 00:14:10,552
Blame their mothers, not me.
I had nothing to do with them.
[humidifier beeps]

224
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,488
I would not be
surprised, Lori...

225
00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:17,858
if this was not so that
HMRC may, quote...

226
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,060
"assess the value of
my estate..."

227
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,964
but so that my children
could get intel on whether...

228
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,333
I was truly leaving
them nothing.

229
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,002
[knocking on door]
Ah, she has risen!

230
00:14:29,671 --> 00:14:33,207
My masseuse Esme, who is a gift
from the heavens.

231
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:34,341
-Hi.
-Hi.

232
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,544
Where I apparently have been
mistaken for someone else.

233
00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:39,947
She's here at the insistence
of Cyril the radish...

234
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,015
who says I must be kinder
to my joints.

235
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:47,321
It's all a faff, you know,
HMRC adore me.

236
00:14:47,421 --> 00:14:49,289
I haven't paid taxes
in a decade...

237
00:14:49,390 --> 00:14:52,192
but they've still got
one of my Garbage Twelves...

238
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,729
in their lobby in
Parliament Street.

239
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:58,198
And, alas, here it is.
[grunts]

240
00:14:59,834 --> 00:15:03,872
A life to be summed up.
Itemised.

241
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,206
Julian Sklar: The Spreadsheet.

242
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:10,043
I don't even know what's up
there in the room above us.
[sighs]

243
00:15:10,144 --> 00:15:12,146
And the door's been
locked for decades.

244
00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:14,248
So, I shan't know
even going forward...

245
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,718
should there be any
forward left.

246
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:22,322
Yes. To the great displeasure
of the buzzard Barnaby...

247
00:15:22,690 --> 00:15:25,292
and the hyena Sallie...

248
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:28,630
I have outlived the
actuarial prediction of...

249
00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:32,499
even the direst of those
foolish enough to insure me.

250
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:37,104
At one point that had been
the goal to live forever.

251
00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:39,674
And I should have liked
to have bequeathed...

252
00:15:39,774 --> 00:15:42,276
that task to my art, but...

253
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:45,747
sadly my art,
not unlike my talent...

254
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,684
departed this life long
ago when, apparently...

255
00:15:49,784 --> 00:15:51,418
I was not paying attention.

256
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:53,621
Excellent interview.

257
00:15:54,656 --> 00:15:57,157
I like you, Lori Butler.

258
00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:00,060
What about tomorrow
at the crack of noon?

259
00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:02,463
Yeah, great.

260
00:16:04,799 --> 00:16:07,968
[peaceful music plays]

261
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,204
[street noises]

262
00:16:19,714 --> 00:16:22,049
[phone rings]

263
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:26,119
What's up?

264
00:16:27,589 --> 00:16:29,591
Yes, 12:00 p.m. tomorrow.

265
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:34,194
Well, I have no idea. I don't
know what it's like up there.

266
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:35,663
I don't know if they're
even there.

267
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,235
Well, I would need the keys
for it first, wouldn't I?

268
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:45,472
When I know.

269
00:16:47,575 --> 00:16:49,777
Sallie, I will call you
when I know...

270
00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:51,613
if he even has the paintings.

271
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,380
Jesus.

272
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,284
[door creaks open]

273
00:17:15,570 --> 00:17:19,239
[indistinct chatter]
[door slams]

274
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,074
-You all right?
-Hi.

275
00:17:21,576 --> 00:17:23,343
[music continues]

276
00:17:29,951 --> 00:17:31,719
[door clicks open]

277
00:17:52,874 --> 00:17:57,712
[Julian] Perhaps it's simply
"The Reason My
Therapist Chose...

278
00:17:57,812 --> 00:18:01,649
"Early Retirement Number Seven."
[audience laughs]

279
00:18:02,016 --> 00:18:05,520
And next time, my dear, you have
the urge to express yourself...

280
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:08,322
why don't you nip
down to Boots...

281
00:18:08,422 --> 00:18:11,893
and get yourself a pencil
and a notebook.

282
00:18:11,993 --> 00:18:14,328
It's a lot cheaper.
[audience laughs]

283
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,201
What I can't stand
about painting...

284
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,938
is you paint from the
heart, from the soul...

285
00:18:24,038 --> 00:18:26,273
you give yourself to
everything you can.

286
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:28,275
You pour it onto the canvas...

287
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:32,245
and then some bloody agent
comes along and takes 45%.

288
00:18:32,346 --> 00:18:34,281
Well no more. [laughs]

289
00:18:34,716 --> 00:18:35,617
[Female Reporter
they're quite a bargain.

290
00:18:35,717 --> 00:18:37,184
I do believe someone has
walked away with...

291
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,452
a potentially 2 million pound...

292
00:18:38,553 --> 00:18:40,955
painting for 1,100 pounds.
How do you feel about that?

293
00:18:41,055 --> 00:18:42,122
It would be a bargain
at 2 million...

294
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:45,225
but whatever they pay,
I'm happy with. Thank you.

295
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,761
[Female Reporter
are all stunning.

296
00:18:46,861 --> 00:18:47,695
Thank you very much.

297
00:18:47,795 --> 00:18:49,463
Of course the question
on everyone's lips is...

298
00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:51,198
will the Christophers
be making...

299
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:52,567
an appearance on
the pavement today?

300
00:18:54,035 --> 00:18:55,435
The Christophers...

301
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,207
No, they're indoors somewhere.

302
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,877
They're private matters.
Private affairs.

303
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:06,279
[street noises]

304
00:19:11,085 --> 00:19:13,220
[doorbell buzzes]
[birds chirping]

305
00:19:15,757 --> 00:19:18,225
[Julian over intercom]
Other door. [door buzzes]

306
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,372
Hello?

307
00:19:34,976 --> 00:19:36,243
Hello?

308
00:19:37,679 --> 00:19:38,913
[door slams shut]

309
00:19:39,013 --> 00:19:40,180
Hello.

310
00:19:41,082 --> 00:19:43,283
[Julian] Oh, coming!
[clears throat]

311
00:19:44,018 --> 00:19:46,521
[coughs] Come in.

312
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:50,725
Do you mind me in
my dressing grown?

313
00:19:52,727 --> 00:19:54,529
Actually, I do.

314
00:19:58,533 --> 00:19:59,466
Okay.

315
00:20:03,638 --> 00:20:08,275
Weinstein has ruined the
robe for the rest of us.

316
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:12,279
You needn't have worried.

317
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:15,382
I can't bear the sight of it
open myself.

318
00:20:17,018 --> 00:20:18,619
Even when alone.

319
00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:26,728
Studio. This way.

320
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,065
The locksmith should--

321
00:20:31,165 --> 00:20:32,934
We shall take the scenic route.

322
00:20:33,034 --> 00:20:36,938
Yep, if he can't find a
key for what's up there...

323
00:20:37,038 --> 00:20:39,507
he'll have to change out the
whole third floor door lock.

324
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:44,244
I'll get him to make you
a copy as well.

325
00:20:45,613 --> 00:20:47,782
But no copies for the kids.

326
00:20:48,549 --> 00:20:50,818
However hard they beg.

327
00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:55,690
Oh, now that was once
an entire dinosaur.

328
00:20:55,790 --> 00:20:58,960
Only had room inside
for three, as it happened.

329
00:20:59,493 --> 00:21:04,799
A fact that Ringo found
out the hard way. [laughs]

330
00:21:05,533 --> 00:21:10,270
And oh, not the Ringo
you are thinking about. [coughs]

331
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:14,842
-No, this one was French.
-Right.

332
00:21:17,879 --> 00:21:20,948
So, what is other Lori?

333
00:21:22,016 --> 00:21:25,318
Am I allowed to ask if
she has a boyfriend?

334
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:28,455
I mean, no.

335
00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:30,792
No she doesn't?

336
00:21:30,892 --> 00:21:32,459
No, you're not allowed.

337
00:21:33,961 --> 00:21:34,896
Noted.

338
00:21:35,596 --> 00:21:36,998
[Lori nervously chuckles]

339
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:39,934
Why not though?

340
00:21:40,034 --> 00:21:43,504
Well, firstly, we're at work.

341
00:21:43,604 --> 00:21:47,608
Nonsense. It's not like
we cease to be ourselves...

342
00:21:47,708 --> 00:21:50,545
simply by crossing some
conceptual boundary.

343
00:21:50,645 --> 00:21:53,648
Here I am at work and here
I'm at home. Ask away.

344
00:21:53,748 --> 00:21:55,550
At work. Oh, don't you dare.

345
00:21:56,017 --> 00:21:57,051
All yours.

346
00:21:58,451 --> 00:22:01,022
You can't ask me
in either place...

347
00:22:01,122 --> 00:22:05,860
because you are my employer,
which means you hold the power.

348
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,597
And I should use it to ask
if you have a partner.

349
00:22:10,463 --> 00:22:12,834
If you'll explain its relevance.

350
00:22:12,934 --> 00:22:15,570
The relevance is that
I'm curious.

351
00:22:17,104 --> 00:22:20,508
And who wouldn't want to bring
their life into their work?

352
00:22:20,608 --> 00:22:24,512
Unless, well, right.

353
00:22:24,612 --> 00:22:27,114
Yes, well, never mind. You said
that you weren't an artist.

354
00:22:27,215 --> 00:22:28,381
Actually you said that.

355
00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:31,152
Well, I swear that we had
that conversation yesterday.

356
00:22:31,252 --> 00:22:32,687
Well, you know there was
speaking if that's what
you mean.

357
00:22:33,654 --> 00:22:35,990
Well, did I not ask questions?

358
00:22:37,525 --> 00:22:39,694
My children say that
I don't ask questions.

359
00:22:40,695 --> 00:22:42,597
And actually by definition...

360
00:22:42,697 --> 00:22:44,866
"did I not ask questions"
is a question.

361
00:22:44,966 --> 00:22:46,300
My children are idiots.

362
00:22:46,399 --> 00:22:49,070
I've no problem with
questions, Lori.

363
00:22:49,170 --> 00:22:51,639
It's the answers that
I can't be bothered with.

364
00:22:53,174 --> 00:22:57,578
Now you remember that I told
you that you were never...

365
00:22:57,678 --> 00:23:00,081
-to speak of the Christophers.
-Mm-hmm.

366
00:23:00,181 --> 00:23:03,317
Well, apparently I lied.
You are to speak of them once...

367
00:23:03,416 --> 00:23:06,020
when you tell me that
they are no more.

368
00:23:07,355 --> 00:23:09,156
No more?

369
00:23:09,257 --> 00:23:12,560
The canvases are buried deep in
the back of the third floor...

370
00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:16,396
and you are to bring them down
here and shred them to bits.

371
00:23:18,165 --> 00:23:21,202
I'm to shred the Christophers?

372
00:23:21,302 --> 00:23:23,537
What? Oh, they're
not Christophers.

373
00:23:24,038 --> 00:23:26,741
They are musings on ideas that
could have been Christophers.

374
00:23:26,841 --> 00:23:30,244
And you are to obliterate them
and destroy the stretchers.

375
00:23:30,344 --> 00:23:31,145
And then bring me
the evidence...

376
00:23:31,245 --> 00:23:34,215
because I shan't go near
them myself.

377
00:23:34,315 --> 00:23:36,017
Okay.

378
00:23:36,117 --> 00:23:38,352
Would you like me to leave them
here when they're shredded?

379
00:23:38,451 --> 00:23:40,521
Yes. [chuckles]

380
00:23:40,888 --> 00:23:42,990
It's not that I don't
trust you, Lori.

381
00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:48,095
The box cutter.
[doorbell rings]

382
00:23:48,195 --> 00:23:50,064
It's just that I
don't trust you.

383
00:23:50,164 --> 00:23:51,832
[doorbell buzzes]

384
00:23:51,933 --> 00:23:55,169
Ah, that'll be the locksmith
and the facialist...

385
00:23:55,269 --> 00:23:58,973
whom I find to be nothing more
than a 90 minute endurance test.

386
00:23:59,073 --> 00:24:02,643
However, Esme demands
that I'm kinder to my skin.

387
00:24:02,743 --> 00:24:06,847
So I shall brace myself and go.

388
00:24:08,416 --> 00:24:10,751
[Julian coughs]

389
00:24:15,022 --> 00:24:16,757
[machine grinding]

390
00:24:19,093 --> 00:24:20,962
Lockbox is sorted.

391
00:24:21,329 --> 00:24:23,496
Spare front door key...

392
00:24:24,065 --> 00:24:26,801
and third floor set to
go with the new door lock.

393
00:24:35,309 --> 00:24:36,210
[door unlocks]

394
00:24:40,448 --> 00:24:43,250
[floorboards creak]

395
00:24:57,431 --> 00:24:59,100
[door creaks]

396
00:25:17,351 --> 00:25:19,987
[somber music plays]

397
00:25:21,288 --> 00:25:22,189
[camera snapping]

398
00:25:47,314 --> 00:25:49,016
[fabric rustling]

399
00:25:54,655 --> 00:25:55,923
[staple gun firing]

400
00:25:58,025 --> 00:25:59,293
[tapping nails]

401
00:26:18,212 --> 00:26:19,980
[keys clacking]

402
00:26:55,149 --> 00:26:56,917
[wood splitting]

403
00:26:57,718 --> 00:26:59,220
[fabric tearing]

404
00:27:00,555 --> 00:27:01,755
[camera whirring]

405
00:27:03,457 --> 00:27:05,759
[phone ringing]

406
00:27:08,796 --> 00:27:11,899
[blade slicing sharply]

407
00:27:14,869 --> 00:27:18,038
[breathes heavily]

408
00:27:29,316 --> 00:27:30,384
[keys jingling]

409
00:27:35,489 --> 00:27:36,390
[latch clicks open]

410
00:27:47,569 --> 00:27:48,669
[light switch clicks]

411
00:27:54,375 --> 00:27:55,309
[grunts]

412
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,167
[car door shuts]
[intriguing music plays]

413
00:28:53,334 --> 00:28:55,970
[Julian snoring]

414
00:29:23,665 --> 00:29:26,467
[birds chriping]
[sirens in the distance]

415
00:29:27,901 --> 00:29:29,003
[clears throat]

416
00:29:39,681 --> 00:29:40,814
[sighs]

417
00:30:00,334 --> 00:30:02,102
[keys jangle]

418
00:30:21,790 --> 00:30:23,525
[floorboards creak]

419
00:30:46,715 --> 00:30:47,881
[Lori gasps] Oh!

420
00:30:47,981 --> 00:30:51,151
I've changed my mind.
They shall not be shredded.

421
00:30:52,386 --> 00:30:54,088
Okay. Okay.

422
00:30:54,188 --> 00:30:55,956
They shall be burned.

423
00:30:57,291 --> 00:31:00,829
All right? Yeah, sure.
I will sort it.

424
00:31:00,928 --> 00:31:02,930
It is sorted.

425
00:31:03,631 --> 00:31:07,769
We shall do it together. Which
is to say you shall do it...

426
00:31:07,868 --> 00:31:09,604
and I shall watch.

427
00:31:12,005 --> 00:31:14,074
It's a bit early for
you though, isn't it?

428
00:31:14,174 --> 00:31:16,377
Well, I have been up all night.

429
00:31:16,910 --> 00:31:21,281
And I shan't sleep until
they are smoldering ash.

430
00:31:26,420 --> 00:31:27,822
Yes?

431
00:31:28,288 --> 00:31:31,024
I'm curious, what kept
you awake?

432
00:31:31,125 --> 00:31:35,028
Cascading memories of wrongs
done to me since my childhood.

433
00:31:35,129 --> 00:31:37,632
They came as if from
a kinetoscope.

434
00:31:38,365 --> 00:31:39,299
[Lori] Hmm.

435
00:31:39,967 --> 00:31:41,703
Look it up, it's with a K.

436
00:31:41,803 --> 00:31:46,541
Now to the fire pit. Follow me
or I shall burn them myself.

437
00:31:46,907 --> 00:31:50,110
Have you ever been
betrayed, Lori?

438
00:31:50,210 --> 00:31:54,381
Oh, I mean hasn't everybody?

439
00:31:55,517 --> 00:31:58,485
Can be quite painful.
Can it not?

440
00:31:59,052 --> 00:32:01,623
No matter what the
relationship with the betrayer.

441
00:32:03,390 --> 00:32:06,661
And how were you betrayed, Lori?

442
00:32:07,562 --> 00:32:08,763
[Lori clears throat]

443
00:32:09,196 --> 00:32:13,133
I once had a partner
who left me.

444
00:32:13,233 --> 00:32:18,071
Oh my God. Your generation
does whine about everything.

445
00:32:20,875 --> 00:32:23,110
Left me for my other partner.

446
00:32:23,210 --> 00:32:25,513
Oh, be still my beating heart.

447
00:32:27,682 --> 00:32:29,751
Was this a throuple?

448
00:32:30,384 --> 00:32:33,987
It was a consensual relationship
between three adults. Yeah.

449
00:32:34,087 --> 00:32:36,490
Oh my, oh my, oh my.

450
00:32:37,559 --> 00:32:39,993
You know, I was once
in a throuple...

451
00:32:40,994 --> 00:32:44,431
back when it was merely
called infidelity.

452
00:32:44,532 --> 00:32:47,301
No, that-- Nevermind.

453
00:32:53,407 --> 00:32:56,744
Right, you toss them on.
[claps hands]

454
00:32:58,546 --> 00:33:00,481
Oh, you seem hesitant.

455
00:33:01,482 --> 00:33:04,886
Yeah, I mean they're
Julian Sklars.

456
00:33:04,985 --> 00:33:06,521
Oh, please.

457
00:33:08,623 --> 00:33:10,457
May I ask what's going on?

458
00:33:10,558 --> 00:33:14,294
Oh, the great, "What's going
on?" Yes. What's going on?

459
00:33:14,394 --> 00:33:16,731
That is the question
of the day, isn't it?

460
00:33:17,665 --> 00:33:21,703
In the fire pit now, please.

461
00:33:21,803 --> 00:33:23,203
[birds chirping]

462
00:33:29,476 --> 00:33:30,612
[metal clanging]

463
00:33:38,151 --> 00:33:41,623
Right. And now we need the
turpentine and matches.

464
00:33:41,723 --> 00:33:43,090
So crack on, Lori.

465
00:33:44,124 --> 00:33:46,326
First we have a little chat.

466
00:33:47,962 --> 00:33:51,031
Sit. If you would.

467
00:33:59,674 --> 00:34:03,176
And on the subject of
what is going on...

468
00:34:05,345 --> 00:34:10,317
Perhaps you would like to tell
me exactly why you are here.

469
00:34:12,452 --> 00:34:17,090
I mean... To pay my rent.
[chuckles]

470
00:34:17,190 --> 00:34:19,794
And why did you seek
and then take this job?

471
00:34:24,364 --> 00:34:29,303
You did tell me not to
mention if I was an artist...

472
00:34:29,403 --> 00:34:34,042
or a fan, but I thought
maybe I'd learn something...

473
00:34:34,141 --> 00:34:35,843
by being in your vicinity.

474
00:34:36,476 --> 00:34:37,612
Really?

475
00:34:39,112 --> 00:34:41,415
Learn what exactly?

476
00:34:44,052 --> 00:34:46,921
Perhaps "how a man...

477
00:34:47,454 --> 00:34:50,858
"once a paradigm of
progressive politics...

478
00:34:50,959 --> 00:34:54,028
"could morph into the
apotheosis of everything...

479
00:34:54,127 --> 00:34:55,663
"that is currently wrong...

480
00:34:55,763 --> 00:35:00,367
"with everything artistically
and economically?"

481
00:35:00,467 --> 00:35:05,607
Or how a "bloated ego
in yesterday's beret..."

482
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,276
could "squat on property
unaffordable...

483
00:35:09,376 --> 00:35:12,580
"and hence uninhabitable
for generations to come..."

484
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:16,618
whose "only outrage at so-called
'cancel culture' came...

485
00:35:16,718 --> 00:35:19,921
"once he had been justifiably
canceled himself."

486
00:35:20,454 --> 00:35:24,157
"Justifiably," says his
future assistant...

487
00:35:26,159 --> 00:35:29,262
on January the 3rd, 2022.

488
00:35:32,265 --> 00:35:35,703
And she goes on. "Bloviating..."

489
00:35:35,803 --> 00:35:38,940
she says, "in the voice of the
very thing, not just his work...

490
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:43,243
"but his entire being so
vociferously railed against
during...

491
00:35:43,343 --> 00:35:46,246
"his once impressive
ascension..."

492
00:35:46,346 --> 00:35:48,482
which preceded the
"artistic immolation..."

493
00:35:48,583 --> 00:35:50,417
"and subsequent
"crash and burn..."

494
00:35:50,518 --> 00:35:53,955
into the "soulless junk
heap of irrelevance..."

495
00:35:54,055 --> 00:35:58,126
reserved for those who
have "exploded our culture...

496
00:35:58,225 --> 00:36:01,529
"and imploded their legacy."

497
00:36:03,230 --> 00:36:06,634
"And will his work even last?

498
00:36:07,068 --> 00:36:11,039
"Or will it go the way of the
lava lamp and the leisure suit?

499
00:36:11,139 --> 00:36:14,642
"And if it doesn't,
shouldn't it?"

500
00:36:18,746 --> 00:36:20,247
Not even "should it."

501
00:36:21,749 --> 00:36:23,751
"Shouldn't it."

502
00:36:32,927 --> 00:36:38,166
Never underestimate the
internet prowess of a man...

503
00:36:38,265 --> 00:36:40,935
who has spent decades
googling himself.

504
00:36:42,202 --> 00:36:43,571
[sips]

505
00:36:45,472 --> 00:36:47,842
So, why are you here?

506
00:36:52,113 --> 00:36:54,214
I was hired by
Barnaby and Sallie...

507
00:36:54,314 --> 00:36:56,684
to complete the
unfinished Christophers.

508
00:37:01,321 --> 00:37:03,290
-Really?
-Yeah.

509
00:37:06,259 --> 00:37:08,261
Why?

510
00:37:08,863 --> 00:37:13,366
So they could have something
from you. I guess, when you die.

511
00:37:16,204 --> 00:37:18,238
-You mean to sell?
-Yeah.

512
00:37:18,338 --> 00:37:19,974
Just to sell?

513
00:37:21,943 --> 00:37:24,512
So the idea would be...

514
00:37:27,582 --> 00:37:31,318
I would return them
to the third floor...

515
00:37:31,418 --> 00:37:33,020
where they would sit.

516
00:37:34,088 --> 00:37:36,323
-Until I died.
-Yeah.

517
00:37:40,393 --> 00:37:42,029
And you know them how?

518
00:37:44,198 --> 00:37:48,035
Sallie and I met in art school.

519
00:37:48,736 --> 00:37:50,303
You know, she went by a
different last name...

520
00:37:50,403 --> 00:37:52,405
but we all knew.

521
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:56,376
Well, the school knew. She would
never have got in on her talent.

522
00:37:57,011 --> 00:38:00,915
She said that she and her
brother had a job for me.

523
00:38:02,850 --> 00:38:07,522
Well, it is the smartest thing
they thought of in decades.

524
00:38:07,622 --> 00:38:09,791
I'll give them that.
And your cut?

525
00:38:12,292 --> 00:38:13,828
A third.

526
00:38:15,530 --> 00:38:18,566
And what makes you think
that you could do it?

527
00:38:19,934 --> 00:38:22,503
Well, they said that
you were never up there.

528
00:38:24,005 --> 00:38:25,573
No!

529
00:38:25,673 --> 00:38:28,609
What makes you think you
could actually do it? Do it!

530
00:38:30,645 --> 00:38:33,915
Well, the original
brushes are all up there.

531
00:38:34,481 --> 00:38:39,854
The paints, the palette
knives, the linseed, the rags.

532
00:38:40,521 --> 00:38:43,456
Those Kendall Plushes have
been deadstock for decades.

533
00:38:43,558 --> 00:38:46,294
The microfibres alone
would vet huge.

534
00:38:46,393 --> 00:38:47,494
Well, you must know
that your very premise...

535
00:38:47,595 --> 00:38:51,232
that it is the correct equipment
which makes the work...

536
00:38:51,331 --> 00:38:53,100
the work, is bollocks.

537
00:38:55,770 --> 00:38:58,105
I guess that's where
the art of it comes in.

538
00:38:59,372 --> 00:39:00,808
Art?

539
00:39:03,077 --> 00:39:07,982
That's the part I am most
interested in, I guess.

540
00:39:08,082 --> 00:39:09,917
The art of what?

541
00:39:11,919 --> 00:39:13,888
Becoming someone else.

542
00:39:13,988 --> 00:39:16,356
Oh, poo.

543
00:39:18,125 --> 00:39:21,428
Get yourself your own
mindset, Lori Butler.

544
00:39:21,529 --> 00:39:24,464
You inhabit that.
You don't squat in mine.

545
00:39:25,333 --> 00:39:26,734
It takes guts.

546
00:39:27,434 --> 00:39:28,769
It takes blood.

547
00:39:28,870 --> 00:39:32,673
It took my blood, and don't you
think you can bleed for me.

548
00:39:34,041 --> 00:39:36,177
Oh, and it seems that you
are not the only person...

549
00:39:36,277 --> 00:39:40,548
in this room who wishes
that you were someone else.

550
00:39:40,648 --> 00:39:42,250
I understand. I'm going to go.

551
00:39:42,350 --> 00:39:45,553
You are in my home.
You have lied to me.

552
00:39:45,653 --> 00:39:46,954
You have betrayed me.

553
00:39:48,589 --> 00:39:50,024
And you are, at least
for the time being...

554
00:39:50,124 --> 00:39:51,659
still in my employment.

555
00:39:51,759 --> 00:39:56,030
So do an old "bloviating
bloated ego" a kindness...

556
00:39:56,130 --> 00:40:01,002
and grab a stretched blank
canvas from upstairs.

557
00:40:01,102 --> 00:40:02,870
-What?
-Any size.

558
00:40:02,970 --> 00:40:05,039
You've seen yourself,
there are dozens.

559
00:40:06,841 --> 00:40:08,475
Why?

560
00:40:08,576 --> 00:40:10,111
Because I have one more
question for you.

561
00:40:10,211 --> 00:40:12,346
And believe me, I shall pay...

562
00:40:12,445 --> 00:40:13,948
particular attention
to your answer.

563
00:40:14,048 --> 00:40:17,551
And after that, by all
means, you are free to leave.

564
00:40:17,652 --> 00:40:18,719
[somber music plays]

565
00:40:20,254 --> 00:40:21,155
[floorboards creak]

566
00:40:35,536 --> 00:40:36,771
On there.

567
00:40:50,851 --> 00:40:52,119
My question.

568
00:40:54,388 --> 00:40:57,457
You say you can paint
in my style.

569
00:41:01,162 --> 00:41:02,530
Do it then.

570
00:41:05,366 --> 00:41:06,834
That's not a question.

571
00:41:08,869 --> 00:41:11,238
Will you paint what you
believe I would paint...

572
00:41:13,307 --> 00:41:15,710
were I whomever you
think I was...

573
00:41:15,810 --> 00:41:20,114
whenever you think I was
whatever you think I was?

574
00:41:24,919 --> 00:41:27,121
-No.
-No. Because you can't.

575
00:41:33,728 --> 00:41:35,563
-Case closed.
-I'm not going to do this.

576
00:41:35,930 --> 00:41:38,032
Thank you for the job.
And I'm sorry.

577
00:41:38,666 --> 00:41:40,234
How would you know...

578
00:41:41,869 --> 00:41:46,073
how I would've painted them
when even I don't know...

579
00:41:47,908 --> 00:41:49,777
how I would have painted them?

580
00:41:50,878 --> 00:41:54,382
I actually am truly sorry.

581
00:41:54,482 --> 00:41:57,084
[footsteps receding]

582
00:42:02,490 --> 00:42:04,725
[footsteps approaching]

583
00:42:06,660 --> 00:42:09,964
The first Christopher series,
1994 and '95...

584
00:42:10,064 --> 00:42:13,367
have a very distinct
trajectory in my mind.

585
00:42:13,467 --> 00:42:16,237
The marks on number
one are tentative.

586
00:42:16,337 --> 00:42:20,441
There's a delicacy verging on a
kind of inadvertent pointillism.

587
00:42:20,541 --> 00:42:22,143
At least in the undercoat.

588
00:42:22,243 --> 00:42:24,779
The colors warm with
each successive layer.

589
00:42:24,879 --> 00:42:27,915
The bottoms are all
Prussian blues, cherry reds...

590
00:42:28,015 --> 00:42:30,951
but as the layers rise,
the reds get rustier.

591
00:42:31,052 --> 00:42:34,688
You even used ochre, a shade you
told David Sylvester was...

592
00:42:34,789 --> 00:42:36,657
"sentimental slop."

593
00:42:36,757 --> 00:42:38,626
In the third and fourth
the lac got denser...

594
00:42:38,726 --> 00:42:40,628
and the oils thickened.

595
00:42:40,728 --> 00:42:44,265
There was a liftedness,
almost like you were dancing.

596
00:42:44,632 --> 00:42:47,168
The paint was literally
coming off the canvas...

597
00:42:47,268 --> 00:42:49,203
and there was more
light around his face...

598
00:42:49,303 --> 00:42:52,173
as his look moved more
and more to the center.

599
00:42:52,273 --> 00:42:53,574
Towards his creator.

600
00:42:55,209 --> 00:42:56,811
What are you saying then?

601
00:42:57,578 --> 00:42:58,813
You were falling in love...

602
00:42:58,913 --> 00:43:01,482
and for the first time
you were free.

603
00:43:01,882 --> 00:43:03,684
I believe you came out then.

604
00:43:03,784 --> 00:43:05,486
At least publicly.

605
00:43:06,187 --> 00:43:10,758
But in the second series, 1997,
'98, it shifted.

606
00:43:10,858 --> 00:43:12,393
By the fifth in series two...

607
00:43:12,493 --> 00:43:14,595
you can see the hesitation
in the line.

608
00:43:14,695 --> 00:43:17,098
The pressure becomes uneven.

609
00:43:17,198 --> 00:43:21,235
Heavy darks start to appear
up top. Patches of blank.

610
00:43:21,335 --> 00:43:22,770
And Christopher's gaze...

611
00:43:22,870 --> 00:43:25,906
drifts further and further
off the canvas again.

612
00:43:26,006 --> 00:43:27,641
And you started retouching.

613
00:43:27,741 --> 00:43:30,311
Sometimes eight layers, ten.

614
00:43:30,411 --> 00:43:33,380
Like you were trying to grasp
an image that wasn't there.

615
00:43:33,814 --> 00:43:36,684
Number six looks like it
was restarted 12, 13 times...

616
00:43:36,784 --> 00:43:38,819
and by eight there's
a wooden quality.

617
00:43:39,186 --> 00:43:42,323
Almost as if you were
painting by rote.

618
00:43:42,423 --> 00:43:46,660
And the blanks spread like
they were metastasizing.

619
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:50,364
Thomas McEvilley said
they had a joyful lightness...

620
00:43:50,464 --> 00:43:52,199
a spirited lyricism.

621
00:43:52,299 --> 00:43:55,369
McEvilley was wrong.
Graham-Dixon was wrong.

622
00:43:55,469 --> 00:43:57,304
Marina Vaizey was wrong.

623
00:43:57,404 --> 00:44:01,208
The lightness was forced,
and the joy was a lie.

624
00:44:01,642 --> 00:44:02,943
It was obvious in the seventh...

625
00:44:03,043 --> 00:44:04,812
and by the eighth
it was glaring.

626
00:44:05,312 --> 00:44:06,680
It was over.

627
00:44:08,082 --> 00:44:10,017
It wasn't very good,
that last one.

628
00:44:10,117 --> 00:44:11,118
No. It isn't.

629
00:44:11,218 --> 00:44:16,223
Some sap in Chicago paid
two mil for it during Covid...

630
00:44:16,323 --> 00:44:17,892
-I heard.
-Yeah.

631
00:44:18,593 --> 00:44:19,693
Well.

632
00:44:20,562 --> 00:44:23,297
-Hence?
-Here we are.

633
00:44:24,899 --> 00:44:26,400
Here we are then.

634
00:44:28,402 --> 00:44:31,705
Grave robbers crawling
through the mud to exhume...

635
00:44:31,805 --> 00:44:35,743
a trinket from some
already rotted coffin.

636
00:44:38,779 --> 00:44:40,814
And this third series...

637
00:44:41,482 --> 00:44:46,588
Am I-- Sorry, "I," to have
painted them recently or...?

638
00:44:46,687 --> 00:44:49,591
No, back then was the thought.

639
00:44:50,124 --> 00:44:52,493
Of course when they were
actually worth something...

640
00:44:53,060 --> 00:44:57,097
and then "I'm" to have
buried them upstairs.

641
00:44:57,798 --> 00:45:00,734
Didn't want them seen
would be the story I guess.

642
00:45:02,236 --> 00:45:03,337
Too painful.

643
00:45:04,004 --> 00:45:05,439
Something like that.

644
00:45:05,540 --> 00:45:07,341
Yes. The breakup was hard.

645
00:45:08,108 --> 00:45:09,009
[Lori] Hmm.

646
00:45:09,910 --> 00:45:11,513
It wasn't. I'd done with them.

647
00:45:11,613 --> 00:45:12,479
Sure.

648
00:45:13,548 --> 00:45:15,449
-I had.
-Fine.

649
00:45:20,221 --> 00:45:22,957
I must say I found
your prep impressive.

650
00:45:23,057 --> 00:45:24,725
I've got to give you that.

651
00:45:24,825 --> 00:45:26,026
There was no prep.

652
00:45:28,262 --> 00:45:30,231
[doorbell buzzes]

653
00:45:32,266 --> 00:45:34,835
That could be some bloody
package I've forgotten...

654
00:45:34,935 --> 00:45:36,504
I've ordered.
[doorbell buzzes]

655
00:45:36,605 --> 00:45:38,439
Oh, they're so
impatient, Amazon.

656
00:45:39,173 --> 00:45:42,109
Oh, bollocks!

657
00:45:42,209 --> 00:45:43,744
It's Barnaby.

658
00:45:43,844 --> 00:45:47,881
Unless... Oh Christ.
[knock on door]

659
00:45:47,982 --> 00:45:52,786
It's Sallie too. Oh, oh,
fuck me, it's both of them.

660
00:45:53,555 --> 00:45:55,155
Hang on!

661
00:45:56,790 --> 00:45:58,792
Hang on!

662
00:45:59,260 --> 00:46:03,632
Buzzards on the buzzers.
[door unlocks] [Julian sighs]

663
00:46:03,732 --> 00:46:07,234
Hi, Dad, I know what you said,
but may we come in please?

664
00:46:08,469 --> 00:46:09,370
Why?

665
00:46:09,470 --> 00:46:11,805
[Sallie] We need to speak
to your assistant.

666
00:46:11,905 --> 00:46:13,774
Oh, I forgot what her name is.

667
00:46:13,874 --> 00:46:16,210
Do you know I can't
recall it either?

668
00:46:18,812 --> 00:46:20,214
Barney, any ideas?

669
00:46:21,115 --> 00:46:25,085
-Lisa maybe.
-Yes! Lisa Maybe.

670
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,055
Why?

671
00:46:28,155 --> 00:46:30,991
We just got a form that she
urgently needs to fill out.

672
00:46:31,091 --> 00:46:32,960
-Tax related.
-Very.

673
00:46:33,662 --> 00:46:35,262
Very tax related.

674
00:46:36,297 --> 00:46:37,699
Yeah, we've been trying
to call her...

675
00:46:37,798 --> 00:46:39,233
but she's not been
picking up, so...

676
00:46:40,267 --> 00:46:41,569
So, is she here?

677
00:46:43,003 --> 00:46:46,373
Yes. Lisa Maybe is here.
So do come in.

678
00:46:47,107 --> 00:46:50,444
As there's something I need to
speak with you about as well.

679
00:46:51,845 --> 00:46:53,914
[door slams shut]
The Christophers.

680
00:46:55,416 --> 00:46:56,350
The...?

681
00:46:57,985 --> 00:46:59,453
Sorry, Dad. Which are those?

682
00:47:00,689 --> 00:47:02,222
Oh, have I got the name wrong?

683
00:47:02,323 --> 00:47:05,025
Oh gosh, Dad. I mean,
you've painted so many.

684
00:47:05,125 --> 00:47:07,161
Christopher. Christopher.

685
00:47:07,261 --> 00:47:10,732
Why am I so fixated on
that name then?

686
00:47:11,332 --> 00:47:14,368
Which was the one that I said,
perhaps you can recall this.

687
00:47:14,468 --> 00:47:17,271
Which was the one that
you took a whack at...

688
00:47:17,371 --> 00:47:20,207
at some point last year
accidentally thinking...

689
00:47:20,307 --> 00:47:22,009
that it was not in
fact an egregious...

690
00:47:22,109 --> 00:47:24,878
act of dishonesty and betrayal?

691
00:47:24,978 --> 00:47:27,348
Oh right. Yeah, those, those.

692
00:47:27,448 --> 00:47:28,315
Dad, what about them?

693
00:47:28,415 --> 00:47:31,285
Well, I have asked Lisa
Maybe to destroy them.

694
00:47:33,087 --> 00:47:34,723
-What?
-Wait, why?

695
00:47:34,823 --> 00:47:36,056
Well, she can't, Dad.

696
00:47:36,156 --> 00:47:37,991
[Lori] Oh, I already have.

697
00:47:38,092 --> 00:47:40,928
-What the fuck, Lori?
-Yes. That's her name. Lori!

698
00:47:41,028 --> 00:47:42,363
-And she has burned--
-[Lori] Shredded.

699
00:47:43,798 --> 00:47:45,432
-She's shredded them.
-Fuck off.

700
00:47:45,533 --> 00:47:47,935
Bullshit, even he knows
you're bullshitting.

701
00:47:48,035 --> 00:47:49,537
-Yeah. Where are they then?
-Hang on.

702
00:47:57,044 --> 00:47:58,946
[Sallie] Dad, you can't.

703
00:48:00,013 --> 00:48:02,349
[Julian] Well, apparently I did.

704
00:48:02,449 --> 00:48:03,752
But they're not yours.

705
00:48:04,351 --> 00:48:08,790
Well, meaning that they
are the world's.

706
00:48:08,889 --> 00:48:11,626
-The world of art.
-But not, of course yours.

707
00:48:11,726 --> 00:48:12,627
No, no!

708
00:48:12,727 --> 00:48:14,596
The furthest thing
from our minds.

709
00:48:15,095 --> 00:48:19,768
Well, you should get out
and give them to the world.

710
00:48:20,167 --> 00:48:24,171
And to do that, you should
get out now and get started.

711
00:48:24,271 --> 00:48:25,973
You stupid, stupid man.

712
00:48:26,073 --> 00:48:28,142
Get out of my house now.

713
00:48:29,577 --> 00:48:30,879
The two of you.

714
00:48:30,978 --> 00:48:33,247
Great. Now you've
shredded each other.

715
00:48:33,347 --> 00:48:35,583
So I hope you feel very
good about it.

716
00:48:35,683 --> 00:48:36,950
Shredded each other?

717
00:48:38,385 --> 00:48:39,286
[door slams shut]

718
00:48:39,953 --> 00:48:41,422
What does that mean?

719
00:48:41,523 --> 00:48:42,956
Nothing.

720
00:48:44,091 --> 00:48:46,594
-Nothing?
-Nothing.

721
00:48:48,797 --> 00:48:51,932
And these, what are these?

722
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:57,371
These are fakes,
which I shredded.

723
00:48:58,540 --> 00:49:00,073
The real ones...

724
00:49:00,174 --> 00:49:02,844
the ones you were
about to incinerate...

725
00:49:02,943 --> 00:49:04,945
are outside in the fire pit.

726
00:49:06,815 --> 00:49:09,016
[laughs] Right?

727
00:49:10,250 --> 00:49:11,218
So?

728
00:49:12,019 --> 00:49:14,288
So, let's go.

729
00:49:19,193 --> 00:49:23,096
As you are still, for
the moment, my employee...

730
00:49:23,197 --> 00:49:27,301
I'm ordering you to come out
to the fire pit and burn them.

731
00:49:27,401 --> 00:49:30,170
Well, as your employee
has now quit...

732
00:49:30,270 --> 00:49:32,139
I wish you good luck with that.

733
00:49:33,073 --> 00:49:34,843
Well, I'll go and do it
myself then.

734
00:49:34,943 --> 00:49:37,411
Oh, really?

735
00:49:37,512 --> 00:49:38,445
Really.

736
00:49:40,515 --> 00:49:41,616
"Crack on," then.

737
00:49:45,986 --> 00:49:47,087
[grunts]

738
00:49:57,164 --> 00:49:59,466
How's the bonfire going?

739
00:50:02,537 --> 00:50:07,307
What did you mean,
"I'd imploded my legacy"?

740
00:50:10,410 --> 00:50:15,115
If you were to ask my cousin
who Julian Sklar is...

741
00:50:15,215 --> 00:50:17,552
he would say the guy that
yelled at kids...

742
00:50:17,652 --> 00:50:21,723
and housewives on Art Fight.
[Julian laughs]

743
00:50:23,190 --> 00:50:26,794
Yes. Well, they get
off easy. Yes.

744
00:50:26,895 --> 00:50:29,531
I was the one being tortured.

745
00:50:29,631 --> 00:50:32,600
I was waterboarded by a
deluge of kittens, Lori.

746
00:50:32,700 --> 00:50:36,538
Each one more hideously
adorable than the next.

747
00:50:36,971 --> 00:50:40,173
Bopping at yarn. In acrylic.

748
00:50:40,975 --> 00:50:42,944
Watercolor. Watercolor, Lori.

749
00:50:43,043 --> 00:50:45,245
Peach tones, lavender, lavender.

750
00:50:46,514 --> 00:50:49,082
Well, no, I did them a favor.

751
00:50:50,952 --> 00:50:52,119
Did you?

752
00:50:53,086 --> 00:50:55,222
Yes.

753
00:50:55,322 --> 00:51:00,828
I saved them from a lifetime
of heartache and rejection...

754
00:51:01,228 --> 00:51:05,065
and grasping at something that
they would never achieve.

755
00:51:05,165 --> 00:51:07,702
And worse. Clawing back
at something...

756
00:51:07,802 --> 00:51:09,904
that they would never recapture.

757
00:51:10,004 --> 00:51:14,609
Because success, Lori, is worse.

758
00:51:16,878 --> 00:51:19,379
Okay. Okay.

759
00:51:19,479 --> 00:51:22,750
Let's just stop this. Yeah?

760
00:51:24,886 --> 00:51:27,187
-What are you doing?
-You're not going to burn these.

761
00:51:27,287 --> 00:51:29,924
What? I most certainly am.

762
00:51:30,490 --> 00:51:36,229
There is a reason you've
kept them for 25 years.

763
00:51:36,864 --> 00:51:38,900
If you really didn't want
them, you would've sold them...

764
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:41,134
for shit at your stupid
jumble sale.

765
00:51:41,234 --> 00:51:43,571
Oh my "sidewalk salon."

766
00:51:43,671 --> 00:51:46,774
Oh, that was a bugger off
to an industry...

767
00:51:47,274 --> 00:51:48,442
who needed someone to
say it to them.

768
00:51:48,543 --> 00:51:51,646
It was a move that gave you
cover to pretend it was you...

769
00:51:51,746 --> 00:51:54,782
who was in control of
his own downfall.

770
00:51:58,019 --> 00:52:01,188
No, but no, I'd done
with them. Lori.

771
00:52:01,288 --> 00:52:02,322
Yeah, because they were
done with you.

772
00:52:02,422 --> 00:52:04,726
It was a corrupt industry...

773
00:52:06,027 --> 00:52:07,361
in a corrupt world.

774
00:52:08,161 --> 00:52:11,264
Investments and tax shelters...

775
00:52:11,866 --> 00:52:15,737
and trophies for the
Billionaire Boys' Club.

776
00:52:15,837 --> 00:52:18,271
So, I left.

777
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:20,173
No, you mean you quit.

778
00:52:20,273 --> 00:52:21,709
-No, I left.
-You gave in.

779
00:52:21,809 --> 00:52:24,211
I left. And on my own terms.

780
00:52:24,779 --> 00:52:27,749
And how do you know
if it's even art now...

781
00:52:27,849 --> 00:52:30,283
anyhow, it's all online?

782
00:52:31,451 --> 00:52:32,553
Oh, you get nothing...

783
00:52:32,654 --> 00:52:36,724
when you stare at something
through a screen.

784
00:52:39,827 --> 00:52:43,698
You know, I get yelled
at now from passing cars.

785
00:52:44,632 --> 00:52:47,835
They call me a hack, a pig even.

786
00:52:47,935 --> 00:52:49,971
Offended somehow as if...

787
00:52:50,437 --> 00:52:53,473
we've got some sort of
personal relationship.

788
00:52:53,574 --> 00:52:55,610
You don't think it's
a personal relationship?

789
00:52:57,712 --> 00:52:58,613
Art?

790
00:52:59,479 --> 00:53:00,480
No.

791
00:53:01,381 --> 00:53:03,885
It's a man alone in his room.

792
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:05,953
Me in this room.

793
00:53:08,056 --> 00:53:10,158
I have a relationship...

794
00:53:10,858 --> 00:53:12,827
with the canvas.

795
00:53:13,493 --> 00:53:16,764
And when I've said what I've
got to say to it, then it goes.

796
00:53:16,864 --> 00:53:18,465
Where do you think it goes?

797
00:53:20,968 --> 00:53:21,836
Do what you want.

798
00:53:21,936 --> 00:53:24,072
You can take them out.
You can burn them again.

799
00:53:24,172 --> 00:53:25,305
Don't leave me.

800
00:53:30,545 --> 00:53:31,646
Why...

801
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:34,247
did you even care?

802
00:53:34,347 --> 00:53:38,251
And you were so livid
with me...

803
00:53:39,352 --> 00:53:41,288
in those writings.

804
00:53:42,857 --> 00:53:43,891
Why?

805
00:53:49,731 --> 00:53:50,832
I was 12.

806
00:53:51,933 --> 00:53:53,701
It was pissing down rain.

807
00:53:53,801 --> 00:53:58,906
I ditched school and snuck into
what happened to be a museum.

808
00:53:59,874 --> 00:54:00,808
Yes.

809
00:54:01,475 --> 00:54:03,077
Yes, what show?

810
00:54:03,511 --> 00:54:06,413
It was the one with the
famous artist's...

811
00:54:06,514 --> 00:54:08,015
work from when they were kids.

812
00:54:09,117 --> 00:54:11,418
You saw "Enfant Terrible."

813
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:15,757
There was one you'd done my age
that was the easiest to copy.

814
00:54:16,124 --> 00:54:18,425
By which you mean it
was the one...

815
00:54:18,526 --> 00:54:20,628
that hit you most profoundly
in your soul.

816
00:54:20,728 --> 00:54:22,496
By which I mean it
was literally called...

817
00:54:22,597 --> 00:54:25,133
Anyone Can Do This
and Call It Art.

818
00:54:25,233 --> 00:54:26,266
Yeah.

819
00:54:27,135 --> 00:54:28,502
Mrs. Hanley...

820
00:54:30,938 --> 00:54:32,540
she failed me for that one.

821
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:36,309
"Oh, this is nothing but
a spiral of words, Julian.

822
00:54:36,744 --> 00:54:39,914
"You have desecrated the
canvas with everything...

823
00:54:40,014 --> 00:54:41,649
"that the assignment is not."

824
00:54:41,749 --> 00:54:44,018
But I said, "Yes!

825
00:54:45,052 --> 00:54:46,988
"Because it's more interesting."

826
00:54:49,857 --> 00:54:52,894
Yeah, and there was a
second piece of yours.

827
00:54:54,595 --> 00:54:57,064
It was a drawing from
when you were six.

828
00:54:57,165 --> 00:54:59,299
Boy Under Cloud.

829
00:54:59,399 --> 00:55:01,468
Boy Under Cloud.

830
00:55:01,569 --> 00:55:05,740
An oozing excretion of
maudlin treacle, that title.

831
00:55:06,974 --> 00:55:08,075
You were six.

832
00:55:09,544 --> 00:55:12,880
And did you find that
easy to copy as well?

833
00:55:15,116 --> 00:55:16,584
Not at 12.

834
00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:20,688
It was...

835
00:55:21,989 --> 00:55:22,890
impeccable.

836
00:55:24,625 --> 00:55:25,626
But?

837
00:55:28,663 --> 00:55:30,898
I quit, is that what
you're saying?

838
00:55:33,768 --> 00:55:37,238
Please God, don't feel
sorry for me.

839
00:55:37,939 --> 00:55:41,509
To be honest, I'd rather have
your rage than your pity.

840
00:55:41,609 --> 00:55:43,744
And now, if you'll excuse me.

841
00:55:46,781 --> 00:55:49,416
I need to pay for
tonight's meal.

842
00:55:51,853 --> 00:55:55,422
You are a quitter
yourself, you know, Lori.

843
00:55:56,724 --> 00:56:00,360
No one goes to art school to
become a restorer or a critic.

844
00:56:02,630 --> 00:56:04,532
I came in early this morning.

845
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:07,168
Really?

846
00:56:07,268 --> 00:56:11,072
Yeah. 4:00, 5:00 am.

847
00:56:14,008 --> 00:56:17,211
Well, I'm sorry if such
industrious assistantism was...

848
00:56:17,311 --> 00:56:22,550
wasted on what turned out to be
an errant if dramatic misfire.

849
00:56:23,450 --> 00:56:25,820
-What it tells me--
-Excuse me.

850
00:56:38,733 --> 00:56:41,903
[computer beeps]
Good morning, Mario.

851
00:56:42,603 --> 00:56:47,341
Now you told me that you
want me to paint something...

852
00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:51,411
appropriately romantic
for your fiance.

853
00:56:51,512 --> 00:56:55,683
And I presume by
"appropriately..."

854
00:56:55,783 --> 00:56:59,287
that you want me to paint
it in vanishing ink.

855
00:56:59,654 --> 00:57:02,455
[peaceful music plays]

856
00:57:09,964 --> 00:57:11,498
[bag rustles]

857
00:57:35,189 --> 00:57:36,757
[lids crack open]

858
00:57:51,539 --> 00:57:53,174
[knock on door]

859
00:57:56,344 --> 00:57:57,545
[frantic knocking]

860
00:57:57,645 --> 00:58:00,114
-[Sallie] Lori.
-Oh my God. What?

861
00:58:00,214 --> 00:58:02,482
I am not going back there.

862
00:58:02,583 --> 00:58:04,719
-But you have to.
-Because?

863
00:58:04,819 --> 00:58:07,088
Because you need to
start them from scratch.

864
00:58:07,188 --> 00:58:10,791
You've still got old canvases
and paints and brushes up there.

865
00:58:11,926 --> 00:58:14,395
Yeah. That's not
going to happen.

866
00:58:14,762 --> 00:58:16,931
Well, we think it is.

867
00:58:17,565 --> 00:58:19,066
[paper rustling]

868
00:58:22,069 --> 00:58:24,605
Isidore Clemens. 1927.

869
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:30,611
Sold for 25,000 in that
Kent art house in 2017.

870
00:58:30,711 --> 00:58:32,546
Split between that
corrupt gallerist...

871
00:58:32,646 --> 00:58:34,682
and the person opposite me.

872
00:58:35,249 --> 00:58:37,818
Maybe you shouldn't
write angry notes to exes.

873
00:58:38,252 --> 00:58:40,287
Especially those who still
speak to other...

874
00:58:40,388 --> 00:58:42,289
old college friends of yours.

875
00:58:42,390 --> 00:58:44,325
Sometimes people say things.

876
00:58:44,425 --> 00:58:47,428
I'm curious if the person
who paid the 25k might be...

877
00:58:47,528 --> 00:58:49,163
interested in knowing
it's a fake.

878
00:58:51,665 --> 00:58:54,802
Well, when you find out,
let me know.

879
00:58:54,902 --> 00:58:56,570
I don't think you want to
challenge this.

880
00:58:56,670 --> 00:58:59,673
Yeah, but you may need
to because you know...

881
00:58:59,774 --> 00:59:03,210
and I know that no one benefits
from that being exposed.

882
00:59:03,310 --> 00:59:04,845
Not the gallery,
not the artist...

883
00:59:04,945 --> 00:59:07,314
and certainly not the
person that bought it.

884
00:59:07,882 --> 00:59:09,917
Was that a confession
we just heard?

885
00:59:10,017 --> 00:59:12,620
No, but this is.

886
00:59:13,721 --> 00:59:16,090
I forged that painting.

887
00:59:16,957 --> 00:59:19,460
And I forged Astley's
In-Between.

888
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:22,229
And I forged Panagatacos'
Six Shapes in Red.

889
00:59:23,030 --> 00:59:26,133
All of that was a long time ago.

890
00:59:27,635 --> 00:59:29,837
So you'll do what we say then?

891
00:59:29,937 --> 00:59:31,472
No.

892
00:59:31,572 --> 00:59:34,875
Well then, perhaps we'll see
you in court.

893
00:59:34,975 --> 00:59:39,346
Yeah, because perhaps, Lori,
we've been recording this.

894
00:59:42,383 --> 00:59:47,354
And does that include your fraud
bit before my confession...

895
00:59:47,455 --> 00:59:48,722
and your blackmail bit after?

896
00:59:48,823 --> 00:59:51,459
Because you'd need both
for context.

897
00:59:51,560 --> 00:59:54,161
We'll give you 10,000 pounds
in advance.

898
00:59:54,261 --> 00:59:56,497
-Wow. But no.
-Fifteen.

899
00:59:56,597 --> 00:59:58,533
-No.
-Oh, come on mate.

900
00:59:58,632 --> 01:00:00,768
20. 20 grand, okay?
But that's it.

901
01:00:00,868 --> 01:00:01,836
We can't go higher than that.

902
01:00:02,803 --> 01:00:04,573
Do you even have this money?

903
01:00:04,672 --> 01:00:05,773
[Sallie] Yeah.

904
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:08,075
-Really?
-Yes.

905
01:00:09,176 --> 01:00:10,512
How?

906
01:00:10,611 --> 01:00:11,812
Because...

907
01:00:13,147 --> 01:00:14,048
It doesn't matter.

908
01:00:15,850 --> 01:00:17,051
Two hundred thousand.

909
01:00:18,553 --> 01:00:19,920
-Pounds?
-Quid?

910
01:00:20,020 --> 01:00:21,655
You must be out of
your bloody mind.

911
01:00:21,755 --> 01:00:23,290
We haven't got that
sort of money.

912
01:00:23,390 --> 01:00:24,492
The number's 200.

913
01:00:24,593 --> 01:00:27,228
[Sallie scoffs] Look, I love
you Lori, but this is piggish.

914
01:00:27,328 --> 01:00:28,295
Two hundred thousand.

915
01:00:28,395 --> 01:00:31,365
You are being a cunty pig-cunt.

916
01:00:31,465 --> 01:00:32,766
Two hundred thousand.

917
01:00:32,867 --> 01:00:35,669
21,400 pounds, right,
please accept this.

918
01:00:35,769 --> 01:00:37,037
That's all the money we have.

919
01:00:37,138 --> 01:00:41,008
Please, please, Lori, please.
It's really, really important.

920
01:00:44,178 --> 01:00:45,279
Oh my God.

921
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:48,349
You've sold them already.

922
01:00:50,784 --> 01:00:52,119
-What?
-No.

923
01:00:54,121 --> 01:00:55,189
This is...

924
01:00:55,890 --> 01:00:57,892
This is fabulous.

925
01:00:57,992 --> 01:01:01,630
The answer is no and
definitely not for 21,000 quid.

926
01:01:01,729 --> 01:01:04,098
He's dying, Lori.

927
01:01:04,533 --> 01:01:06,535
It's called Aplastic Anaemia.

928
01:01:07,101 --> 01:01:09,837
Okay, he's been refusing
treatment for years.

929
01:01:09,937 --> 01:01:11,705
Our time is running out.

930
01:01:12,206 --> 01:01:13,440
Everyone's is.

931
01:01:14,842 --> 01:01:18,879
The answer is even more no.

932
01:01:19,614 --> 01:01:21,282
[unlatches door]

933
01:01:24,418 --> 01:01:26,854
-Did you forget something?
-Can you close the door?

934
01:01:26,954 --> 01:01:29,658
I believe your dignity
is just along there...

935
01:01:29,757 --> 01:01:32,493
and you'll find your
pride upstairs somewhere.

936
01:01:32,594 --> 01:01:33,727
Close the door.

937
01:01:36,531 --> 01:01:38,332
[door slamming]

938
01:01:38,732 --> 01:01:43,204
I've just googled a rare blood
disease called Aplastic Anaemia.

939
01:01:43,304 --> 01:01:45,272
Ah, yes.

940
01:01:47,208 --> 01:01:51,845
Well, much to the impending
dismay of the Heirs Abhorrent...

941
01:01:51,946 --> 01:01:56,250
a genius in Stuttgart has
reionized y stems cells...

942
01:01:56,685 --> 01:01:59,887
and thus, like everything else
that used to be inside me...

943
01:02:00,788 --> 01:02:02,524
it has amounted to nothing.

944
01:02:02,957 --> 01:02:05,859
The only thing dying,
I'm afraid...

945
01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:09,496
is the dream of Lord
and Lady Vulture.

946
01:02:10,497 --> 01:02:12,099
Well, they've sold them already.

947
01:02:14,401 --> 01:02:16,737
-Sold?
-The Christophers.

948
01:02:17,137 --> 01:02:20,207
They took a down payment of
a million quid last year.

949
01:02:23,244 --> 01:02:27,281
That's why Sallie tried
to do it herself.

950
01:02:28,849 --> 01:02:32,453
Oh, oh, what glorious idiocy.
[laughs]

951
01:02:34,154 --> 01:02:37,825
Well, for what it's
worth of that...

952
01:02:37,925 --> 01:02:41,028
they only have 21,000 quid left.

953
01:02:41,128 --> 01:02:42,863
Well, I'm surprised
they've got anything.

954
01:02:43,632 --> 01:02:45,299
How many paintings?

955
01:02:45,399 --> 01:02:47,835
All nine. Even Sallie's.

956
01:02:49,604 --> 01:02:50,771
To a fan?

957
01:02:51,673 --> 01:02:54,743
To a 28-year-old tech bro...

958
01:02:54,842 --> 01:02:56,977
who's going to donate them
for the tax credit.

959
01:02:57,077 --> 01:02:59,213
Oh, to the Royal Academy?

960
01:02:59,313 --> 01:03:00,247
Well, at least?

961
01:03:01,716 --> 01:03:03,284
Maybe?

962
01:03:03,718 --> 01:03:05,786
To a place called
Museum of the Desert...

963
01:03:05,886 --> 01:03:08,623
just outside of Las Vegas.

964
01:03:08,723 --> 01:03:10,592
Oh. [scoffs]

965
01:03:10,692 --> 01:03:14,928
And this tech bro, does
he even know who I am? Or was?

966
01:03:15,029 --> 01:03:17,464
No. But I'm told after
some googling.

967
01:03:17,565 --> 01:03:21,902
Yes. And I assume my children
want you to resume...

968
01:03:22,002 --> 01:03:26,807
your task of faking
these somehow?

969
01:03:27,875 --> 01:03:30,144
Same plan, new old canvases.

970
01:03:35,983 --> 01:03:37,418
I think I should do it.

971
01:03:40,454 --> 01:03:41,855
You paint them?

972
01:03:44,258 --> 01:03:45,225
Yeah.

973
01:03:46,427 --> 01:03:50,331
Paint them, but very,
very badly.

974
01:03:50,431 --> 01:03:52,600
[Julian laughs]

975
01:03:54,602 --> 01:03:57,004
[peaceful music plays]

976
01:03:59,473 --> 01:04:01,743
Imagine the look on the
tech bro's face...

977
01:04:01,842 --> 01:04:03,344
when he sees what he's bought.

978
01:04:04,813 --> 01:04:07,948
Oh, it's almost worth
staying alive for.

979
01:04:09,049 --> 01:04:12,319
And I shall be alongside you...

980
01:04:12,419 --> 01:04:14,955
for the entire time
as your assistant.

981
01:04:16,056 --> 01:04:17,991
You're going to be my assistant?

982
01:04:18,092 --> 01:04:19,993
Yes. And I'll be a very
good one too.

983
01:04:20,094 --> 01:04:23,931
And now my first task is to
assist you in getting paints.

984
01:04:24,031 --> 01:04:26,367
-And there's an art shop...
-Yeah?

985
01:04:26,467 --> 01:04:29,403
...on Bronton Street,
which is quite dreadful.

986
01:04:29,503 --> 01:04:30,371
Perfect.

987
01:04:30,471 --> 01:04:31,405
Oh, but, oh, on this
particular occasion...

988
01:04:31,506 --> 01:04:35,042
I shan't be able to help
you in person...

989
01:04:35,142 --> 01:04:36,778
as I'm not allowed in...

990
01:04:37,311 --> 01:04:39,413
due to a thin-skinned
proprietor...

991
01:04:39,514 --> 01:04:43,585
and an overreaction to a
simple statement of fact.

992
01:04:43,685 --> 01:04:46,053
Okay, I'll get this one then.

993
01:04:46,153 --> 01:04:48,690
All right! And while
you are out...

994
01:04:48,790 --> 01:04:50,625
shall I rustle us
up something...

995
01:04:50,725 --> 01:04:52,426
little omelet?

996
01:04:54,094 --> 01:04:56,964
You're going to make
me an omelet?

997
01:04:57,064 --> 01:04:59,366
Yeah. Don't sound so surprised.

998
01:04:59,466 --> 01:05:00,769
All right then, I'll
have a cheese omelet.

999
01:05:00,869 --> 01:05:02,269
Yeah. Cheese omelet.

1000
01:05:03,705 --> 01:05:05,172
That's an omelet with cheese.

1001
01:05:05,774 --> 01:05:07,742
Yeah.

1002
01:05:07,842 --> 01:05:11,945
Actually, how do you introduce
the cheese into the omelet?

1003
01:05:13,113 --> 01:05:15,382
I'm just going to pick
something up for us. Yeah?

1004
01:05:15,949 --> 01:05:17,918
Excellent team work.
[chuckles] [door opens]

1005
01:05:18,952 --> 01:05:22,389
[Julian hums]
[door slams shut]

1006
01:05:22,489 --> 01:05:23,892
[playful music plays]

1007
01:05:23,991 --> 01:05:25,259
[wheels squeak]

1008
01:05:30,197 --> 01:05:32,600
[claps hands]
[hums joyfully]

1009
01:05:37,471 --> 01:05:38,439
[bags thud]

1010
01:05:40,107 --> 01:05:42,644
[lock clicks open]
[door slams shut]

1011
01:05:42,744 --> 01:05:45,713
-Hello.
-Coming. Coming!

1012
01:05:48,817 --> 01:05:54,254
I thought you might enjoy this
as a kind of inspiration piece.

1013
01:05:55,222 --> 01:05:58,258
-Is that Sallie's?
-Yes.

1014
01:05:58,358 --> 01:06:01,663
I keep it in her old room
to ward off future visits.

1015
01:06:01,763 --> 01:06:06,634
It's affixed to the wall along
with garlic and a wooden cross.

1016
01:06:06,734 --> 01:06:09,704
What's crazy is she's actually
improved since art school.

1017
01:06:11,171 --> 01:06:14,107
Well, that's another first.

1018
01:06:14,208 --> 01:06:17,478
An instance of where
a child of mine...

1019
01:06:17,579 --> 01:06:20,147
has actually inspired me.

1020
01:06:21,583 --> 01:06:25,385
Right. And this shall
be your metric.

1021
01:06:25,486 --> 01:06:26,955
Can you top it?

1022
01:06:27,054 --> 01:06:29,757
By which of course, I
mean, can you go under it?

1023
01:06:29,858 --> 01:06:32,927
This is fun! Assisting.

1024
01:06:33,026 --> 01:06:36,531
[mouthful] This is delicious,
Lori. Mm!

1025
01:06:37,699 --> 01:06:40,167
[grunts with pleasure]

1026
01:06:40,869 --> 01:06:42,770
Consider me poor but happy.

1027
01:06:42,871 --> 01:06:43,705
Okay.

1028
01:06:44,906 --> 01:06:46,173
I'm going to start.

1029
01:06:50,177 --> 01:06:51,613
This was to be his.

1030
01:06:54,081 --> 01:06:57,351
Well, they were all to be
his, as a matter of fact.

1031
01:06:58,185 --> 01:07:00,287
His? Christopher's?

1032
01:07:01,421 --> 01:07:04,692
Oh, was I blustering fool.

1033
01:07:06,226 --> 01:07:08,362
Messages on the
answering machine.

1034
01:07:08,997 --> 01:07:11,298
Gifts, gifts, gifts.

1035
01:07:12,399 --> 01:07:14,702
"Let me paint you one
more time, Topher...

1036
01:07:14,802 --> 01:07:16,804
"and all this should be yours."

1037
01:07:16,905 --> 01:07:19,039
Nothing.

1038
01:07:22,109 --> 01:07:25,279
Actually, let's start
with a different one.

1039
01:07:25,980 --> 01:07:28,816
I made him. I literally
created him.

1040
01:07:30,484 --> 01:07:32,620
He was the boy who
did my stretchers.

1041
01:07:33,387 --> 01:07:35,255
I gave him his life, his fame.

1042
01:07:35,355 --> 01:07:36,758
Everyone knew who
Christopher was.

1043
01:07:36,858 --> 01:07:39,426
He was invited everywhere.
And then one day...

1044
01:07:46,233 --> 01:07:47,802
He never came back.

1045
01:07:50,404 --> 01:07:53,641
I actually did want him to have
them even after all of the mess.

1046
01:07:53,741 --> 01:07:57,110
I should have liked to
have lasted in his mind.

1047
01:07:57,210 --> 01:07:59,514
You see, that's the thing,
isn't it?

1048
01:08:00,848 --> 01:08:03,651
To last in the mind of others.

1049
01:08:12,225 --> 01:08:13,528
First instincts, Lori!

1050
01:08:15,329 --> 01:08:18,098
I never joined the
Royal Academy, you know.

1051
01:08:18,533 --> 01:08:22,402
Oh, the R.A. I refused to
play that game.

1052
01:08:22,837 --> 01:08:24,606
The others were rabid about it.

1053
01:08:24,706 --> 01:08:26,808
Every last one of them more
competitive than the next.

1054
01:08:26,908 --> 01:08:31,679
But not me, Lori. I
was the least competitive
of them all by far.

1055
01:08:31,779 --> 01:08:33,413
Why are you staring at me?

1056
01:08:33,514 --> 01:08:35,783
I don't think you
want to do this.

1057
01:08:38,519 --> 01:08:41,723
I am ordering you,
Lori Butler...

1058
01:08:41,823 --> 01:08:44,892
to desecrate that
painting with that brush.

1059
01:08:44,993 --> 01:08:48,663
Well, as my assistant, you
don't get to call the shots.

1060
01:08:48,763 --> 01:08:52,533
Oh, very well then. I
resign as your assistant!

1061
01:08:52,634 --> 01:08:54,936
Okay, okay, okay. You win,
you win, you win.

1062
01:08:55,036 --> 01:08:57,005
Look, I will do it. I'll do it.

1063
01:08:57,437 --> 01:08:59,206
But let's pick a different one.

1064
01:08:59,306 --> 01:09:01,408
That's right, pick a
different one.

1065
01:09:15,590 --> 01:09:18,559
[somber music plays]
[Julian grunts]

1066
01:09:26,634 --> 01:09:28,569
[Julian grunts with effort]
[easel creaks]

1067
01:09:31,639 --> 01:09:32,874
[Julian mutters]

1068
01:09:39,647 --> 01:09:41,649
[paint splatters]

1069
01:09:44,184 --> 01:09:47,522
It's already dreadful.
[laughs]

1070
01:09:48,089 --> 01:09:52,694
Oh, well this is
monumentally hideous...

1071
01:09:52,794 --> 01:09:53,761
so...

1072
01:09:55,228 --> 01:09:56,363
Glue.

1073
01:09:57,632 --> 01:09:58,700
Yes.

1074
01:10:00,300 --> 01:10:03,437
[Julian grunts] [mutters]

1075
01:10:04,505 --> 01:10:06,406
This glue and then feathers.

1076
01:10:07,875 --> 01:10:12,747
No, no. We'll have the glitter
first, and then feathers.

1077
01:10:14,916 --> 01:10:16,283
And that.

1078
01:10:17,417 --> 01:10:18,920
Oh take that!

1079
01:10:20,088 --> 01:10:22,190
[laughs] Feathers.

1080
01:10:22,289 --> 01:10:23,290
[plastic rustling]

1081
01:10:27,929 --> 01:10:29,764
[laughs]

1082
01:10:31,733 --> 01:10:36,838
You would think at 85 I would
know you can't throw feathers.

1083
01:10:37,572 --> 01:10:39,140
Have you called my children?

1084
01:10:39,239 --> 01:10:40,942
Not yet.

1085
01:10:41,042 --> 01:10:42,110
Oh, well you must, you must...

1086
01:10:42,210 --> 01:10:46,914
because these Christopher Threes
will hang in the pantheon...

1087
01:10:47,014 --> 01:10:50,651
of the worst art of all time...

1088
01:10:51,052 --> 01:10:53,554
along with Dogs Playing Poker...

1089
01:10:53,654 --> 01:10:56,389
Velvet Elvis, and all of Warhol.

1090
01:10:57,859 --> 01:11:01,261
Yes, yes. I'll have
masking tape.

1091
01:11:01,796 --> 01:11:03,263
[tape rasping]

1092
01:11:12,607 --> 01:11:15,243
You see there should be a
through line of awfulness.

1093
01:11:15,342 --> 01:11:17,512
Each one worse than the rest.

1094
01:11:18,146 --> 01:11:19,514
As if the...

1095
01:11:22,382 --> 01:11:26,654
As if the destruct
was the construct.

1096
01:11:55,883 --> 01:11:59,319
I can't, oh, no, no, no.

1097
01:11:59,419 --> 01:12:01,622
[mutters]

1098
01:12:05,726 --> 01:12:06,794
Lori...

1099
01:12:08,495 --> 01:12:10,064
Something's happened.

1100
01:12:11,132 --> 01:12:12,667
Are you okay?

1101
01:12:14,202 --> 01:12:17,038
I'm struggling. I'm struggling
to make the strokes run.

1102
01:12:19,740 --> 01:12:23,978
It's physically impossible
to make it bad.

1103
01:12:27,982 --> 01:12:28,950
Look.

1104
01:12:41,128 --> 01:12:42,630
Yeah, you're right.

1105
01:12:44,665 --> 01:12:47,668
It is not uninteresting.

1106
01:12:48,769 --> 01:12:49,704
Wow.

1107
01:12:52,039 --> 01:12:53,541
So what do I do?

1108
01:12:56,376 --> 01:12:59,547
-Maybe keep going.
-Hmm.

1109
01:13:01,616 --> 01:13:03,551
For who though?

1110
01:13:04,118 --> 01:13:07,355
Well, you seem like you
were having a good time.

1111
01:13:07,454 --> 01:13:10,124
So why not just keep
having a good time?

1112
01:13:10,224 --> 01:13:12,226
Because why?

1113
01:13:12,326 --> 01:13:16,697
Because it is fun for you,
isn't it?

1114
01:13:18,431 --> 01:13:21,068
Because I'm fun for you?

1115
01:13:21,168 --> 01:13:22,069
Julian.

1116
01:13:22,169 --> 01:13:24,972
So here I am. Yes, I am
the entertainment again.

1117
01:13:25,072 --> 01:13:27,708
This is what you
wanted all along, isn't it?

1118
01:13:29,577 --> 01:13:31,078
To wind up the old fool...

1119
01:13:31,178 --> 01:13:34,315
and have him clutter about
and bang his cymbals.

1120
01:13:34,414 --> 01:13:36,416
Oh, is it interesting
being Jane Goodall...

1121
01:13:36,517 --> 01:13:40,888
to the old dancing monkey
in his natural habitat?

1122
01:13:40,988 --> 01:13:44,525
And how am I faring as the
anecdote you'll tell all your...

1123
01:13:44,625 --> 01:13:46,794
laughing friends about later.

1124
01:13:47,995 --> 01:13:52,333
This isn't what I meant
when I talked about living...

1125
01:13:52,432 --> 01:13:55,870
in the minds of others.

1126
01:13:57,371 --> 01:13:59,640
Julian, where is
this coming from?

1127
01:13:59,740 --> 01:14:00,975
No. Well, where are
you coming from?

1128
01:14:01,075 --> 01:14:05,746
"Oh, it's not uninteresting."
And how would you know that?

1129
01:14:07,248 --> 01:14:11,752
To judge art, you must
possess the various skills...

1130
01:14:11,852 --> 01:14:13,854
it takes to make said art.

1131
01:14:13,955 --> 01:14:15,790
And do you really think
you possess those skills?

1132
01:14:16,824 --> 01:14:19,760
Well, I don't. And why not?

1133
01:14:21,128 --> 01:14:24,865
Because of three words:
Untitled. Number. Seven.

1134
01:14:24,966 --> 01:14:29,502
I saw it on your website
and I didn't need to see it...

1135
01:14:29,603 --> 01:14:30,938
because I'd already seen it.

1136
01:14:31,038 --> 01:14:34,308
And when I say I'd already seen
it, and I might as well have...

1137
01:14:34,675 --> 01:14:38,679
because it rang
with the familiarity...

1138
01:14:38,779 --> 01:14:42,984
of all those other foul,
existential...

1139
01:14:44,518 --> 01:14:49,623
impressionistic landscapes by
all the other wannabe artists.

1140
01:14:50,291 --> 01:14:51,759
I think...

1141
01:14:53,527 --> 01:14:55,596
I think maybe, Lori...

1142
01:14:56,530 --> 01:14:59,266
it was a healthy thing
that you quit.

1143
01:15:05,806 --> 01:15:08,109
[somber music plays]

1144
01:15:24,759 --> 01:15:25,826
[door slams shut]

1145
01:15:26,394 --> 01:15:28,029
Christopher.

1146
01:15:29,463 --> 01:15:31,265
[canvas tearing]

1147
01:15:58,359 --> 01:16:01,295
[breathes heavily]

1148
01:16:27,721 --> 01:16:28,689
[pub crowd walla]
[upbeat music plays on speakers]

1149
01:16:36,263 --> 01:16:37,164
[glass clanks]

1150
01:16:37,832 --> 01:16:39,967
[phone keys clack]

1151
01:16:42,837 --> 01:16:45,673
[phone rings on the line]

1152
01:16:48,742 --> 01:16:52,179
I will take 21,000.
You can keep the 400...

1153
01:16:52,279 --> 01:16:55,616
but I get 50% of the final sale,
including the down payment.

1154
01:16:56,917 --> 01:16:59,320
-[Sallie] 25%.
-50.

1155
01:17:00,555 --> 01:17:02,389
-30?
-50.

1156
01:17:03,624 --> 01:17:05,159
-35?
-50.

1157
01:17:09,663 --> 01:17:11,832
Good. I'll call you with a plan.

1158
01:17:15,570 --> 01:17:17,304
[street noises]

1159
01:17:26,714 --> 01:17:28,349
[lock unlatches]
[door creaks]

1160
01:17:34,556 --> 01:17:35,656
[door slams shut]

1161
01:17:42,496 --> 01:17:43,898
[Julian] I was right.

1162
01:17:45,099 --> 01:17:49,203
You can't judge art by
looking at it online.

1163
01:17:51,272 --> 01:17:52,973
This is good.

1164
01:17:55,376 --> 01:17:57,845
Untitled Number Seven.

1165
01:17:57,945 --> 01:18:00,314
You know, there's a power
to it that I missed...

1166
01:18:01,482 --> 01:18:03,450
on your website.

1167
01:18:03,817 --> 01:18:05,920
So you came here to
tell me you were right.

1168
01:18:07,688 --> 01:18:11,025
Yes. About many things.

1169
01:18:11,892 --> 01:18:15,129
Including having seen
that before.

1170
01:18:16,096 --> 01:18:21,001
Which explains Lori, why I
thought that I'd seen it before.

1171
01:18:22,736 --> 01:18:28,142
I got a hunch when I looked at
you just as you were leaving...

1172
01:18:28,242 --> 01:18:30,911
and that I'd seen that
specific look before...

1173
01:18:31,011 --> 01:18:33,013
on your specific face.

1174
01:18:33,682 --> 01:18:35,950
And then I remembered you.

1175
01:18:37,586 --> 01:18:39,119
Art Fight.

1176
01:18:39,486 --> 01:18:44,058
So I looked up season three,
episode five...

1177
01:18:44,158 --> 01:18:45,926
and I was right.

1178
01:18:46,327 --> 01:18:47,461
You must have been what?

1179
01:18:47,995 --> 01:18:50,364
-21?
-I was 19.

1180
01:18:50,464 --> 01:18:53,535
And the truth is, at the time...

1181
01:18:53,635 --> 01:18:57,137
I'd really only glanced
at the painting.

1182
01:18:58,239 --> 01:19:01,342
I was merely thinking up
my next joke...

1183
01:19:02,343 --> 01:19:05,379
while I was telling
the last joke.

1184
01:19:09,618 --> 01:19:13,020
Did I cause you to quit?

1185
01:19:16,991 --> 01:19:18,627
I haven't quit.

1186
01:19:18,727 --> 01:19:20,261
I just quit showing.

1187
01:19:24,633 --> 01:19:26,967
I'm a broken man, Lori.

1188
01:19:33,173 --> 01:19:35,309
I believe I always have been.

1189
01:19:39,947 --> 01:19:43,117
And you know, it wasn't you
that I was mad at earlier.

1190
01:19:43,217 --> 01:19:44,285
Yeah, I know.

1191
01:19:44,385 --> 01:19:45,352
It was...

1192
01:19:46,987 --> 01:19:50,190
What do you mean, "You know"?

1193
01:19:53,961 --> 01:19:55,095
Seriously?

1194
01:19:59,466 --> 01:20:01,435
Who am I kidding?

1195
01:20:03,705 --> 01:20:08,576
Oh the lies that I've been
telling myself my whole life.

1196
01:20:12,813 --> 01:20:15,883
It's exhausting, and...

1197
01:20:18,919 --> 01:20:22,389
I didn't give Christopher
his life.

1198
01:20:22,489 --> 01:20:24,258
I gave him mine.

1199
01:20:25,926 --> 01:20:27,828
I suspect I ruined his.

1200
01:20:27,928 --> 01:20:29,263
I know I ruined his.

1201
01:20:32,299 --> 01:20:34,268
When you think of me,
Lori, I should like that...

1202
01:20:34,368 --> 01:20:38,172
you remember me as the
person you thought I was...

1203
01:20:38,272 --> 01:20:40,174
who did that very
first drawing...

1204
01:20:40,274 --> 01:20:42,843
who gave you the courage
to start.

1205
01:20:44,579 --> 01:20:48,516
Not the man who you
actually know me to be.

1206
01:20:48,616 --> 01:20:50,518
Why are you here, Julian?

1207
01:20:58,225 --> 01:21:00,327
Because I want to have
an exhibition.

1208
01:21:03,364 --> 01:21:07,968
And if I do actually
get a show, and...

1209
01:21:10,938 --> 01:21:13,407
Perhaps it could be called...

1210
01:21:22,617 --> 01:21:24,118
"Julian Sklar..."

1211
01:21:25,352 --> 01:21:28,956
I can't tell whether this
says "revived" or "reviled."

1212
01:21:29,390 --> 01:21:30,391
Exactly.

1213
01:21:32,192 --> 01:21:34,094
Is this a retrospective?

1214
01:21:35,462 --> 01:21:37,030
Oh no, they'd be new.

1215
01:21:38,432 --> 01:21:41,135
And people can judge them
however they judge them.

1216
01:21:43,203 --> 01:21:47,341
And I would be grateful, Lori
if you'd be so kind as to...

1217
01:21:49,009 --> 01:21:52,647
perhaps just be there
while I try.

1218
01:21:57,384 --> 01:21:59,086
Yeah. Yes.

1219
01:22:00,154 --> 01:22:01,955
Yes, of course.

1220
01:22:02,055 --> 01:22:05,325
-Yes.
-The crack of noon?

1221
01:22:06,795 --> 01:22:08,295
Precisely.

1222
01:22:08,730 --> 01:22:12,933
Oh, except, oh, I should, no...

1223
01:22:13,033 --> 01:22:16,704
I've got Esme and she
is pretty insistent that...

1224
01:22:16,805 --> 01:22:18,573
I don't cancel last minute.

1225
01:22:18,673 --> 01:22:22,510
-We could do 2:00 PM?
-What if we did Monday?

1226
01:22:22,943 --> 01:22:24,311
Julian.

1227
01:22:24,411 --> 01:22:28,015
I'd like, I think I should
like actually...

1228
01:22:28,115 --> 01:22:31,084
to just dream about
these actually...

1229
01:22:33,120 --> 01:22:34,488
for a week, tops.

1230
01:22:36,591 --> 01:22:38,358
Yeah, all right. Fine.

1231
01:22:38,459 --> 01:22:40,994
Yes. Yes.

1232
01:22:42,664 --> 01:22:43,631
Okay.

1233
01:22:48,101 --> 01:22:49,269
Thank you.

1234
01:22:50,538 --> 01:22:52,540
Yeah. Yeah.

1235
01:22:57,612 --> 01:22:59,213
This is where you leave.

1236
01:22:59,948 --> 01:23:01,649
Oh yes. Yes, of course.

1237
01:23:03,651 --> 01:23:05,385
Yes, yes. Goodbye.

1238
01:23:14,061 --> 01:23:16,129
[Julian whistles]

1239
01:23:24,739 --> 01:23:26,039
Whose is this?

1240
01:23:26,139 --> 01:23:27,742
It's mine, sir.

1241
01:23:27,842 --> 01:23:29,409
It's absolute shit.

1242
01:23:31,278 --> 01:23:35,550
[haunting music plays]

1243
01:23:44,859 --> 01:23:46,193
[dial lock unlatching]

1244
01:24:06,848 --> 01:24:08,282
[knocking]

1245
01:24:10,083 --> 01:24:11,285
Julian?

1246
01:24:29,604 --> 01:24:30,772
[Art Fight Moderator] Thank you
very much. [audience cheers]

1247
01:24:30,872 --> 01:24:32,239
Thank you very much indeed.

1248
01:24:33,173 --> 01:24:35,475
Welcome back to Art Fight.

1249
01:24:35,577 --> 01:24:38,846
The show where everyone's a
critic, particularly Julian.

1250
01:24:38,947 --> 01:24:40,080
We've got Lori Butler...

1251
01:24:40,180 --> 01:24:45,019
and she studies at Central
Saint Martins, no less.

1252
01:24:45,118 --> 01:24:47,755
Another one. Lots of those.

1253
01:24:47,855 --> 01:24:49,456
And she is showing us today...

1254
01:24:49,557 --> 01:24:52,961
her painting
Untitled Number Seven.

1255
01:24:53,061 --> 01:24:54,562
Julian, what do you think?

1256
01:24:57,565 --> 01:25:00,467
[Julian] Untitled Number Seven?

1257
01:25:00,568 --> 01:25:02,904
Well, it's a fitting name
given there are...

1258
01:25:03,004 --> 01:25:04,639
no actual words to describe...

1259
01:25:04,739 --> 01:25:07,508
what exactly it is I'm looking
at. [audience laughs]

1260
01:25:08,543 --> 01:25:11,144
And oh please.
Oh God, don't tell me.

1261
01:25:11,244 --> 01:25:13,881
I'm going to have to
look at the previous six...

1262
01:25:13,982 --> 01:25:16,584
in order to understand this one.

1263
01:25:16,684 --> 01:25:18,218
[audience laughing]

1264
01:25:18,318 --> 01:25:20,454
It's not a painting, Lori.

1265
01:25:20,555 --> 01:25:23,691
It's a cry for help from
the paint itself.

1266
01:25:23,791 --> 01:25:26,728
"Why am I here?" it screams.

1267
01:25:26,828 --> 01:25:30,397
Perhaps there's a title, Lori,
and perhaps it's simply...

1268
01:25:30,497 --> 01:25:34,334
The Reason My Therapist
Chose Early Retirement...

1269
01:25:35,536 --> 01:25:36,571
Number Seven.
[audience laughs]

1270
01:25:41,709 --> 01:25:44,344
[somber music plays]

1271
01:26:22,917 --> 01:26:24,351
[canvases thud]

1272
01:26:35,262 --> 01:26:36,864
[typing]

1273
01:26:54,247 --> 01:26:57,284
Hello, I'm calling for
Owen Appleton, please.

1274
01:27:00,054 --> 01:27:01,354
Personal.

1275
01:27:03,758 --> 01:27:04,659
Okay.

1276
01:27:04,759 --> 01:27:07,128
Can you please tell him
that I have something...

1277
01:27:07,260 --> 01:27:08,696
he may be very interested in?

1278
01:27:10,031 --> 01:27:11,431
Thank you.

1279
01:27:11,532 --> 01:27:13,901
[upbeat music plays]

1280
01:27:42,163 --> 01:27:44,932
[train roaring]

1281
01:28:01,516 --> 01:28:05,620
Hi, I'm looking for
Mr. Appleton.

1282
01:28:07,487 --> 01:28:09,857
I'm Owen. How can I help you?

1283
01:28:12,960 --> 01:28:14,729
I'm Lori Butler.

1284
01:28:20,101 --> 01:28:20,802
I told you on the telephone...

1285
01:28:20,902 --> 01:28:22,837
I don't want to talk
about any of that.

1286
01:28:24,739 --> 01:28:28,576
I understand that
and I respect that.

1287
01:28:28,976 --> 01:28:31,879
But I wouldn't have come
all the way here if there...

1288
01:28:31,979 --> 01:28:32,713
weren't some things that...

1289
01:28:32,814 --> 01:28:35,283
I think you might want
to hear me out on.

1290
01:28:35,382 --> 01:28:36,818
[train rumbling]

1291
01:28:47,261 --> 01:28:48,395
All right.

1292
01:28:51,232 --> 01:28:52,767
First, I have a question.

1293
01:28:53,734 --> 01:28:55,670
Why did he call you Christopher?

1294
01:29:07,281 --> 01:29:09,250
These are technically ours now.

1295
01:29:09,349 --> 01:29:11,052
Well, they're literally yours.

1296
01:29:12,086 --> 01:29:14,021
Everything in there, all yours.

1297
01:29:15,056 --> 01:29:16,591
[Sallie sighs]

1298
01:29:17,124 --> 01:29:22,096
Sort of weirdly feels
like a Julian Sklar museum.

1299
01:29:23,764 --> 01:29:25,398
It's actually a good idea.

1300
01:29:29,871 --> 01:29:32,573
This whole floor could
be the gift shop.

1301
01:29:45,452 --> 01:29:48,222
This stays exactly as it is.

1302
01:29:48,890 --> 01:29:52,492
Even this exactly as it
is, you want to keep this?

1303
01:29:52,593 --> 01:29:54,061
Yeah, just keep this here?

1304
01:29:54,161 --> 01:29:57,531
Just maybe that could be
the poster for the museum.

1305
01:29:57,932 --> 01:30:00,067
Blow it up on the
side of the... No?

1306
01:30:12,680 --> 01:30:14,815
It's the bathroom at the back.

1307
01:30:23,391 --> 01:30:25,026
-Holy shit.
-Oh my God.

1308
01:30:26,227 --> 01:30:27,460
Did you do these?

1309
01:30:27,561 --> 01:30:28,796
-Barney.
-Tell me. Tell me now.

1310
01:30:28,896 --> 01:30:31,332
Honestly, Lori, if you did
these, we will fucking fry you.

1311
01:30:31,431 --> 01:30:33,301
Barnaby, does it even matter?

1312
01:30:33,401 --> 01:30:34,402
Of course it matters.

1313
01:30:34,501 --> 01:30:36,737
If she did them, they're
worth fuck all again.

1314
01:30:36,837 --> 01:30:41,642
And if I didn't, what
would they be worth then?

1315
01:30:54,255 --> 01:30:58,092
"Schedule C1, I, Julian
Sklar hereby confirm...

1316
01:30:58,192 --> 01:31:00,962
"that the eight artworks
identified below...

1317
01:31:01,062 --> 01:31:02,129
"herein referred to...

1318
01:31:02,229 --> 01:31:04,899
"as the Christopher Series
Three consisting of acrylic...

1319
01:31:04,999 --> 01:31:08,903
"watercolor, glitter, feathers,
axle grease, masking tape...

1320
01:31:09,003 --> 01:31:10,137
[Barnaby mutters]

1321
01:31:10,237 --> 01:31:14,942
"are all authentic artworks that
I have created and gifted to...

1322
01:31:16,711 --> 01:31:19,847
"recipient, Owen Christopher
Appleton."

1323
01:31:22,083 --> 01:31:25,219
Christopher was his middle name.
Hmm.

1324
01:31:25,686 --> 01:31:28,556
Julian told him that
Owen sounded like...

1325
01:31:28,656 --> 01:31:31,025
the pained bleat
of a mooing cow.

1326
01:31:34,996 --> 01:31:36,931
You forged this, haven't you?

1327
01:31:37,665 --> 01:31:38,866
Why would I do that?

1328
01:31:38,966 --> 01:31:41,369
Well, let's think, you
know, to maybe, I don't know...

1329
01:31:41,469 --> 01:31:43,704
stop us from having them.

1330
01:31:43,804 --> 01:31:45,906
Plus you called me
before dad died...

1331
01:31:46,007 --> 01:31:47,842
and said that you would
forge the eight Christophers...

1332
01:31:47,942 --> 01:31:50,244
as long as we shared 50%
of the profits with you.

1333
01:31:52,646 --> 01:31:55,316
Okay, sorry. Let me
just get this straight.

1334
01:31:55,416 --> 01:32:01,455
You are accusing me of
forging a legal note from him...

1335
01:32:02,023 --> 01:32:06,560
which would give me 50%
of nothing.

1336
01:32:08,896 --> 01:32:11,832
Now why on earth
would I do that?

1337
01:32:14,835 --> 01:32:17,271
[peaceful music plays]

1338
01:33:37,952 --> 01:33:40,955
-Lori.
-Hi, Sallie. Barney.

1339
01:33:41,489 --> 01:33:44,559
-Fine. You won.
-Congratulations.

1340
01:33:44,658 --> 01:33:47,562
Dad is famous again. Yay.

1341
01:33:47,661 --> 01:33:49,263
But, look, you've
got to tell us.

1342
01:33:49,997 --> 01:33:52,333
Who painted them? Really?

1343
01:33:52,433 --> 01:33:54,001
The truth.

1344
01:33:54,435 --> 01:33:57,071
Really? Does it even matter?

1345
01:33:58,472 --> 01:34:01,208
[music continues]

1346
01:34:18,292 --> 01:34:22,163
[Julian videos overlap
indistinct walla]

1347
01:34:47,788 --> 01:34:48,989
It's good.

1348
01:34:49,957 --> 01:34:51,825
Really captures his essence.

1349
01:34:53,528 --> 01:34:54,629
-Esme?
-Hmm.

1350
01:34:54,728 --> 01:34:56,363
Hi.

1351
01:34:56,463 --> 01:34:57,865
I tried to get this to
you at the memorial...

1352
01:34:57,965 --> 01:34:59,200
but you left so quickly.

1353
01:35:00,635 --> 01:35:01,835
When I found him,
I also found this.

1354
01:35:01,936 --> 01:35:02,803
It belongs to you.

1355
01:35:02,903 --> 01:35:05,372
-No, no, this isn't mine.
-It is.

1356
01:35:06,073 --> 01:35:09,143
I took it because I didn't
want you know who to see it.

1357
01:35:11,178 --> 01:35:13,447
Okay, thank you.

1358
01:35:14,715 --> 01:35:15,950
Good luck, Lori.

1359
01:35:16,651 --> 01:35:17,818
Thank you.

1360
01:35:23,958 --> 01:35:25,793
[art crowd walla]

1361
01:35:39,674 --> 01:35:42,109
[paper rustling]

1362
01:35:48,382 --> 01:35:49,883
[bubble wrap tearing]

1363
01:36:37,898 --> 01:36:41,135
[peaceful music plays]